First Loves don’t work out
But how I really wished they did
Fourth grade, music class.
Sitting in alphabetical order I look to my right and see the most attractive boy ever. I never payed boys any attention, but fourth grade me found ourselves starstrucked by this boy. Earlier that day my fourth grade teacher told our class that she met her husband in fourth grade. And that they fell in love, but didn’t officially date until college. And at the end of her ‘meeting her husband’ story, she told us that the person we would marry could someone we know right now.
So there I was, have never thought about marriage or boys before that day, looking at this guy who I never looked at more than a classmate. Those words that my teacher, Mrs. Bell, said rung in my head all day. My future partner could be someone in my class. Someone sitting next to me even. During that school year, Id let it be known I had a crush on this guy ( we will call him J from this point on ). And J had let it be known to me he also felt this way.
Now, this is fourth grade, nothing more than mere hand holding was going on.
So during our fourth grade year and into our fifth grade year we “dated”. And my child self was convinced I was going to marry J, just as my fourth grade teacher did with her husband. As our fifth grade year ended, J and I ended things. I was moving to another school, and neither of us had a way to contact eachother. So we said our goodbyes before the school year ended.
Seventh grade science class
Walking into my seventh grade science class, my eyes lock eyes with these bright blue ones. And I instantly recognize who it is. J was sitting down with some of his friends and gave me a soft smile.
The first few weeks of school went by and J and I shared a lot of the same classes, so we talked alot and became friends again. And it wasnt long before me and him dated. And this time around it was more like actual dating, he would go to all of my cheering events and volleyball games and we would constantly hang out.
And I was so happy that me and him reconnected, at the time it seemed like I was going to marry the boy from fourth grade.
Yet, towards the end of the year me and him ended things. I cannot remember what it was exactly about since it was 7 years ago almost, but I do remember it being a stupid reason. And after 7th grade I never saw J again. He moved schools before 8th grade.
Freshmen year of high school
I go through each of my classes, looking around. When I walked the halls on those first couple of days I couldnt stop searching. I really held onto some hope that I would lock eyes again with him. That we would meet again we we’re both a little bit older. I unfortunately didnt see him again.
And from that point on, everywhere I go I alway look for him. Whether it be at a restaurant or the store, I always find myself looking for my first love. I don’t know why this boy that I barely dated has this much control over me but he does. I havent seen or heard from him in seven years, but every relationship I have had after him I look for him in that person.
And I start college next week, and I already know Ill hold out some hope Ill run into him again.
Yet, I know it wont work out. First loves rarely do. And I believe that because first loves usually break up over a dumb reason. And because we’re so young when it happens, we don’t know what love is, so the relationship doesn’t really go anywhere.
And not only do I have my personal experience, but my mom told me about her first love story. And how they broke up over the dumbest reason known to mankind. Occastionally, they message back and forth to catch up. But nothing will ever happen between them again. Both are married with kids. And It makes me sad sometimes. Knowing their story and how much they loved eachother, only for them to break up and marry other people.
I hope if I ever do run into J again, it will be some epic story like Mrs. Bells, not like my moms where im facebook friends with him.
I still stand by what I said though, I don’t think first loves work out. And I think I will always carry a flame for mine. And I don’t think ill ever truly get over him. But I will always look for him in a crowd, and I will always hold onto hope that one day we’ll bump into eachother again.