There are many interesting attractions in the world we live in today: Seeking a perfect body, landing a powerful job, and even striving for fame. But nothing is as important to us as connecting with other human beings. Whether we realize it or not, we are hardwired to be social beings and form relationships with our fellow earthlings.
It is no surprise to any of us that a fruitful match between a male and a female can result in the creation of a new human being. Reproduction drives us to seek each other out. The only problem is, how do we know who the right match is?
So many of us spend months and years of our lives prescribing set characteristics that our potential mates must have:
- "He's got to have a good job."
- "She must have big breasts."
- "I will only date guys over 5'9."
- "I am holding out for a rich guy."
- "I only like blonds."
The lists go on and on, creating a set of rules that set us up for failure. We are unaware of the ridiculous conditions we have set for ourselves to find the perfect mate that is supposed to make us happy.
If there were perfect formulas with prescribed components that equate to happy, we would all be robots with computer programs embedded in our hardware, but we are humans in a soulful world with invisible power. On a material level, some of the quotes above can satisfy us temporarily, and instinctually, but they don't last. These prescriptions are based on the philosophy of a short-term, finite life where we tend to accumulate money and wealth and get body work done to collect as much stuff as possible before we die.
How much fulfillment do we get from material wealth? Some believe it is the end all be all. Drive hard your whole life and fight to win, accumulate, and acquire more stuff. Sound exhausting? Well, it is because I did it. I had the house, the cool cars, the perfect wife and kid, and a great job. I self-prescribed the life I wanted, but it got overwhelming and would have continued to spiral into more accumulation if I followed that material model. I had been trying to force a good fit between my wife and me for 10 years and it wasn't working. I tried flexing here and flexing there, but nothing worked and eventually Mother Nature gave me a hint. I woke up one day in June after a brief summer storm with our tree in the backyard split into three pieces. Lightning had struck our silk tree into three splitting branches. I now understood the symbolism of this and received the message loud and clear: It was time to move on and listen to the universe.
That day was a turning point because I woke up and began watching for the signs. During this time, I bought a whiteboard and began interacting with the universe like it was a portal to the invisible world that knew what was good for me. Maybe I had it all wrong before thinking I knew who and what would make me happy. I stretched my mind and imagined the whiteboard being a genie, or a portal, to an unknown universe that understood me. I wrote:
"I am seeking a woman who is the right fit for me and I request help from the universe on finding her. I trust that you must know, and have her out there for me, I just haven't met her yet."
I put my initials above the request with the date I wrote this (June 30, 2011). Then I gave myself a six-month timeframe to see the signs and interact with the universe. I wrote this to the right of my initials and above the request (December 30th). My hopeful expectation was that I would find her in six months, but I was open to changes and adjustments in a timeframe, as I had learned that flexibility was key in reaching important goals and requests.
In the next six months, I moved out and got an apartment on my own, and dated a few women that were not the right fit for me. It was good practice to get back out in the dating world and get in the groove again. Meanwhile, I had told a few friends and family members I trust that I had sent out a "whiteboard wonder" or request to the universe. We had many conversations about the possibility and doubts about this exercise. One family member said, "She is not going to just drop out of the sky." Another friend seemed to be intrigued by my magic genie request, but didn't show as much trust in it as I did.
There were many doubts and skeptics, but I truly believed that the universe would deliver. December 30, 2012 rolled around and I still hadn't found her, so my six months were up. I went to the whiteboard again and modified my timeframe. I erased the December 30th date and expanded it another six months to June 30, 2012. I made sure to resign my initials again and send out another modified request:
"Thank you for the dating experience and interesting social connections. I am modifying my timeframe to expand another six months. I will keep my eyes and ears open for the signs."
On February 8, 2012, I was browsing OK Cupid, a dating app, and came across a beautiful, sweet-looking woman. I notified her profile that I was browsing her and a day or two went by when I received a ping from her asking:
"How is the surf today?"
Being a surfer—and knowing that this was from the help of the universe—I was immediately and magnetically drawn into her question and began some dialogue that led to a first date.
Today we are married, with a wonderful daughter, and we believe we are the right fit! It isn't perfect, of course, but we are generally happy and feel very fulfilled.
Because I was flexible with myself and the universe, I was able to have trust and faith that the invisible world out there knew what I needed. I just had to take the first leap and continue to believe that I would be given the help and support to find my soulmate.