Feeling Invisible?

“In a world of eight billion people, why do I feel invisible?”

Invisible. The dictionary defines “invisible” as unable to be seen; not visible to the eye.

Let me share a story about what it’s like to feel completely invisible in a world of almost eight billion people. But not only that, what it’s like to feel completely invisible in a crowded bar.

I went to a Meetup gathering in Orlando. Meetup is an app that you download where you can meet groups of people that have common interests as you.

So I didn’t have anything to do on a Saturday…

Being a single middle-aged woman I thought maybe I can find something to do for the weekend. A Meetup group in Orlando was giving away two free drinks and a free buffet at a pretty hip place called Howl at the Moon, down off of International Drive. It’s what we Floridians like to call I-Drive.

The drive is a good distance from where I live, about an hour and a half, but I thought you know what the hell I don’t have anything else to do on a Saturday night and it’s free why not? I’m going!

The day went on and you know anticipation started setting in.

I started to get a little nervous trying to figure out what I’m going to wear, how am I going to do my hair, what kind of makeup should I put on, you know, typical woman stuff.

Driving out there was enjoyable, even though it was a long drive. I decided to take the back way instead of the interstate. It was scenic with lots of woods and sunshine.

I finally get there.

International Drive is a tourist spot, with lots and lots of people; very crowded. I parked in a parking garage, which I’m not really a big fan of. After finally finding a tight parking spot next to a pole I had to walk a couple of blocks to get to the bar. There was no parking in the bar parking lot at all.

I got my little yellow wristband at the entrance. It’s required to sign you up to give you a couple of tickets for your free drinks and the buffet.

Next thing that happened was I hit the buffet and I’m standing in this long line.

Feeling invisible in a crowded bar waiting to get food a guy comes up next to me. I see he’s got the same yellow band on as I do so I knew he was with this freebie party thing and I introduced myself.

He told me his name and we were able to have a small conversation while waiting in line to get our food.

I decided to boldly ask him, “Hey, since you’re by yourself and I’m by myself do you mind if I eat with you after we go through the line?”

And he’s like, “No problem.”

So we got a little table to stand at outside (no chairs) to eat and share some more small talk.

We just exchanged names no telephone numbers.

After we finished our small meal I asked him again if he wanted to sit at the bar inside with me as it was extremely hot standing outside. If you know Florida in June you know how hot and humid it can be!

So he said, “Yeah,” and we sat at the bar.

I was just getting settled in with my first drink and he’s like, “Hey look, I’m going to go check out the other side of the restaurant/bar.”

I was cool with it, I mean after all I didn’t expect him to stay. We just met. They had the Dueling Pianos going on.

Sitting there pretty much by myself in a crowd of people…

So there I was, alone at the bar with my drink and my cell phone, looking around just briefly to see who else might be looking around too.

Is everybody here with somebody else?

It almost felt like there were just clicks of people everywhere and hardly anyone there by themselves.

When observing, it seemed like they all had their social gatherings and it just felt awkward being a loner there.

What was I going to do? Just cruise up and crash someone’s party? No thanks, not me.

There were a few guys around the bar sitting by themselves that I noticed as well, but who knows if they had dates they were waiting on.

I decided to get up after my first drink to walk up towards where the pianos were playing.

Honestly, I thought it was pretty cheesy. It was more of a comedy/music combo and just not my thing.

A lot of people around me were drinking and having a good time. I couldn’t sit anywhere near the pianos as all the seats were taken, so I decided to just go back to the bar to get my original seat back and down my next free drink.

Well, the man I met initially swung back around and said, “Hey I’m leaving now, what are you doing after this?”

He caught me off guard as I wasn’t expecting to see him again. I replied, “I’m just going to head home.”

I mean what else was I going to say? Evidently, he was heading to a salsa dancing get together in Orlando.

It must have been another Meetup thing he was going to. He shook my hand and said, “It was nice to meet you” then left.

I have to say he was a gentleman, not too many left in this world.

We didn’t exchange phone numbers or anything again. I mean, after all, he was about 14 years younger than me because he told me he was 35 and I’m 49. I was definitely not trying to be a cougar.

He wasn’t really my type anyway.

He was a lot shorter than me; I’m five foot nine. You can say I’m a tall girl. I would imagine he was about two to three inches shorter than me.

Once he was gone I went back to the bar, got my second drink, then decided to go sit on the outside patio and get away a little bit from the loud noise of the crowds. I’m sitting at the table pretty much by myself alone in a crowd and I just happen to be people watching again.

I saw a couple of good-looking guys at a table next to me.

Have you ever heard the myth about how if you’re a single woman that a guy is going to come up to you and hit on you if you’re alone? That is so much bullshit. It has never happened to me anywhere!

I could be alone in a restaurant, a bar or a club, and I have never had a man approach me. It’s never happened.

Maybe it’s my age? Maybe they feel intimidated because I’m a more mature woman. Who knows, but even men around my age never approach me.

This is why I feel like I’m invisible in a crowd full of people and it doesn’t matter if it’s a hundred people or a billion people it’s just how I felt in the moment…invisible.

Is it a good thing? Is it bad? I don’t know.

Could I have possibly exerted myself more and pushed into some of these social groups to introduce myself? That’s not really me. I’m an introvert by heart.

We don’t just go out solo in the world and socialize with everyone we see.

At least introverts like me don’t. What do you think?

This is a personal journey of mine. I was married for 25 years, became a widow, then decided to throw myself out into the dating world.

I’ve had several first dates from dating apps for roughly over five years now. It was really good at first and then it just went to pot.

Men, in my opinion, just don’t want to treat a lady to dinner and a drink anymore.

Honestly, I’ve gotten off the dating sites now. I’m just trying out this Meetup app to attempt to socialize with people in general.

You know there’s only so many dick pics a woman can take in her life and have meaningless conversations and first dates that never lead to anything else.

It seems so repetitive and shallow. I just had to step away from it.

So this is where I’m at in my own personal journey and I would think if you’re reading this now you may be in the same spot that I am.

Maybe you don’t even take the chance to go out but I feel it’s good for the soul even if you’re alone to go out and be among other people even if you do feel invisible.

But think about it, I would have never met the guy in the buffet line if I didn’t decide to go. Plus not to mention the free food and drinks.

To me, that was worth more than socializing with the other eight billion people on this planet.

The point is when you’re depressed and need to get out the best thing to do is just GO OUT.

Don’t stay locked inside your home not doing anything about it. Take a chance and try to mingle.

You never know who you will meet.