Face It. You're Bullying the One You Love

by Harley Lily 2 years ago in advice

Drop these habits, now. It's unhealthy.

Face It. You're Bullying the One You Love

Usually when I write on this topic, I try my best to remain subjective. I plead the reader not to take my word as gospel and I grovel that I’m not trying to open anybody’s eyes. However, this article is different. I want this to be read with an open mind, I want people to realise the error of their ways.

Love is a truly magical thing. Scary, but magical. It binds two people together in a happy and sometimes life-long bond. It provides you with a partner, a best friend, and a supporter through thick and thin. I accept that the foundations of the relationship are personal, what you do and how you do it with your partner is completely down to you as long as it’s safe and legal (even if it isn’t... Who am I to judge?) but there are habits and trends in love floating around now that… Concern me.

The main thing that jumps out at me almost every day is the "psycho" culture. STOP calling yourself psycho. It is NOT cute, it is NOT quirky and it most certainly does not make you relationship material. Excusing snooping through his/her phone on the daily with “well, they wouldn’t mind if they didn’t have something to hide” is projecting and manipulative. If there are no red flags, you have no excuse to be going behind their back and checking up on them. Ultimately, you’re proving that you’re the one who isn’t to be trusted. It isn’t harmless, it can cause feelings of insecurity and upset.

Mainstream media has blindsided us. We see bums in movies who treat their partner like shit getting the utmost care and respect from someone who carries the relationship solely on their shoulders. Don’t expect the world if you’re only willing to give minimum effort. Your partner does not owe you shit, they don’t need to live up to your unrealistic expectations, they don’t need to break their back over making the relationship work if you’re not willing to pull your weight. It’s tiring.

Jealousy is ugly. We are all aware of that fact and we all hate the sinking feeling in the pits of our stomach when we get jealous, so why do you persist to make your partners jealous for your own pleasure? Bringing up your ex, posting pictures with that person they know has/had a thing for you. It all adds up and it’s a debilitating feeling. Nothing will hurt the one you "love" more than hearing you boast about how great someone else is and how great they treat you, nothing will shut them down more. They will lose their confidence in themselves, and in you.

Saying things like, “When we break up…”

Every single person on the planet has made mistakes in their life. We’ve all done things we regret, and presumably, our partners are aware of these things. So whatever you do, do not hold their pasts against them in any circumstance. Nobody likes to hear about that time they walked away from an ex just because they were bored. Nobody wants to hear about the time they kissed the guy who had a crush on their brother. Don’t bring that shit up in arguments. Just don’t.

Stop hinting. Stop being passive aggressive about what you want out of them, be OUTRIGHT. Communicate your wants and needs to them, otherwise they’re stuck in a rut of feeling as if they’re in the wrong and they can’t work out why because you’re too proud to tell them.

Let them speak to people of the opposite gender. Forcing them to cut off friends because you’re insecure is uncool.

They don’t have to spend every living moment with you. Yeah, I get it. Spending a lot of time together is cool and usually—I’m sure they’re very happy to spend all that time with you—but remember they have a life outside of you.

I understand a few jokes at your partner's expense in public, I do. I am a culprit of that as I am sure many of you reading this are too. But don’t you dare be hostile about them when they’re not around to defend themselves. You’re with them for a reason, something about them drew you in and lead you to fall in love with them—so why do we feel the need to make our loved ones out to be the bane of our lives? Why are you with them if you have nothing nice to say about them?

Show your partner love. They are your equal, treat them as that. Girls, if your man compliments you—compliment him back. Guys, it doesn’t hurt to brag about your girl every once in a while. Kick these habits while you can, you’ll thank me later…

How does it work?
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Harley Lily

I study History, Literature and Culture at the University of Brighton, I am 19 years old and many say I have matured very quickly. I, however, do not agree. I suppose I'm just another angsty young adult with some opinions. 

See all posts by Harley Lily