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F%ck Dating after Abuse

by Amanda Nicole 2 months ago in advice
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It takes time

F%ck Dating after Abuse
Photo by niu niu on Unsplash

Dating after abuse is difficult. You have to learn to trust people again. That's the most difficult part actually. Why? Well there are a few reasons.

The first reason is because the person you trusted more then anyone in the world hurt you beyond belief. The person you planned on spending forever with betrayed you. The person who you gave your love to, took your heart and cracked it open like a walnut. They tossed it away like a piece of trash.

The second reason is because since you've been essentially tossed aside like a piece of trash you now feel like everyone's going to do that to you. It's scary. You worry everyone's going to hurt you the same or perhaps worse then the last person. It's a tough pill to swallow and a scary fear to have. It changes you in a profound way.

The Third reason is that because you've been changed by all the trauma you went through, you're now more selective of who you spend your time with. This isn't actually a bad thing. Maybe you needed to learn that lesson, maybe being selective of who you love/like and trust is a good thing. But before I continue I really want to mention that whatever abuse happened to you was NOT your fault in any way. You did not cause it. And whatever your abuser told you is a lie.

What does this have to do with dating again? Well in a way it has everything to do with it. Because after an abusive relationship ends your self confidence is beyond shot. It damages you on a level that I cannot even explain. You have to learn to love yourself again before you can love yourself. Why is this so important? Well I can tell you that very easily. After a shitty relationship ends you are damaged like I stated earlier and you need to repair that damage before getting into another relationship

That is vitally important. Because you can't genuinely love someone when you're broken and damaged. It's going to take time, lots of time. It will hurt, you will cry. You will want to give up. You will have nights where you cry all night and pray to God to take the pain away. How do I know that? Because that was me for about 6 months after my ex and I broke up.

I spent many nights crying and hurting. It was hell. But the thing is, is that as much as it hurt it made me stronger. I will admit to you that it F**king hurt. And I wasn't sure I wanted to go on for a while there. But you know what? I'm glad. I'm glad I stayed here. I'm glad I didn't give up. I'm glad I did the work. I'm glad that I didn't let one idiot keep me from loving myself and going on with my life. It was a long and hard road but I'm glad that I learned all those lessons.

Am I still learning? Of course I am. I'm still learning to love myself and understand that I am worth it. I'm still learning that not everyone is going to hurt me. And I'm still learning that some people are in fact worthy of my trust. I'm still learning that its okay to date again. I'm doing that everyday. It's difficult but I'm putting in the work. I encourage you to do the same. Don't give up. You'll find your rainbow. It may take some time but you will find it. Don't worry.



About the author

Amanda Nicole

Hey I'm Amanda! I'm a writer, Podcaster and a pet sitter. I'm much more then that! Read my stories to find out :)

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