Elementary

When I was young, I’ll say I didn't have the typical normal life as a child. In elementary it wasn’t really hard for me to make friends. I was always smiling and joyous, a nice and kind child that most of the teachers loved. Sadly though there were a couple things that really hindered me from talking to other children. In elementary it was really my attitude and my anger that makes it uncomfortable to be around other kids. I used to have these outbursts where I just couldn’t control my anger and just destroy anything in sight. I don’t know why it had to be that way, I was very impatient and a nuisance to other kids. Throwing desks, leaving class on my own, hitting my head on poles are not the actions of the typical second graders. One case at school I had this episode where I was sent to the principal's office and it just felt like I just exploded. I couldn't hold back my rage so my parents and my cousin had to come to school to literally hold me down. Looking back at it now I try to see what made me act that way, was it bullying, was it verbal abuse, was it at home issues, or was it some outside factor? Well, I thank my mom and my dad for realizing that I had a problem and I need serious help. I was blessed that I could go to an anger management doctor and they can comfort and work with me to either solve my problem or sooth my anger. I was happy I could go through that because I was afraid or didn’t have the courage to talk to my parents about school or things that were going on inside the house. I felt free to say whatever off my chest to the doctor because she welcomed me with open arms, I felt like she really listened to me. I don’t think my anger really derived from family matters even though there were some instances that made me wanna bottle up my emotions. To me I think the psychiatrist really helped me understand my emotions a little better and the pills really kept me mellow. Going on to middle school I found myself with these problems again, being impatient and wanting to do things my own way. Middle school was a tough time for me mentally and emotionally. I felt like I was really good in school academic wise but, socially I was an outsider. I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin, I felt like an introvert and I wasn't very strong minded. A big part of that was my speech. I wasn't too keen on communicating with others because if I mess up or jumble up my words I didn't really want to talk to anybody. Looking back at it now, growing up with nothing but brothers is tough but. I see it prepares you mentally and physically in life. The fights, verbal abuse, insults, threats we made toward each other just made me unbothered about what people think of me now, but back then the words meant a lot. It was depressing and intimidating. At times I took some of the words to heart and just thought “are they right ''. In middle school my self esteem was at its lowest. I wasn’t good enough to make the football team or I was “cool” enough to hang around people or have real friends. I felt like an introvert ,I hung around people that I now probably wouldn't hang around with the so called “nerds” ,but i feel like i fitted with them and they accepted me. I don’t have any complaints because the times I hung around them were really enjoyable. I still had moments in which I thought to myself why I did them and what made me do that. Then I hit 8 grade. I feel like my whole mood changed. I was losing interest in school work and I was being more social. I had a careless attitude around me. I had slimmed down and gained a little confidence that made me act more involved in class and other people. I still don’t know what the change was ,but that 8 grade year going into high school formed me to the person I am today. Outside of school it was other factors and situations that still enticed my anger from within.