Dumb Ego and Its Many Fallouts

I was new in town, so, when he slowed down his bike, smiled, and said “hello”, I was happy.

In the beginning, we only ever ran into one another in the streets around our neighborhood (turned out, we lived only a few houses apart). I loved to walk around, and Ben* was often on his bike or on foot, doing the same.

Finally, one day, we decided to exchange more than a hello. As usual, we had run into each other in the streets. We were both headed home, and since we lived so close by, we decided to walk back together.

I have to say, I was a little excited. New girl, a new town full of strangers, and a guy who was obviously interested… who wouldn’t be?

We talked about all sorts of things. Schools, jobs, friends, hobbies, exes… and before I knew it, I was at my doorstep. He lived a couple more houses down the street, so we decided to say Goodbye there on that day. And just as I turned around and pulled out my keys to open the front door, Drew called out from behind, and said this with a smug look on his face,

“You should hang out with me more; I’m one of the most well-read people you’ve ever met.”

Umm… ok???

Since I had absolutely no idea how to respond, I simply turned around without saying another word, went inside the house, and closed the door behind me. Then I sat down on the sofa, and thought,

“WTF…”

There were a lot of things wrong with that statement, and I wasn’t sure which one I should've gotten mad about first.

There’s the opening with “You should hang out with me more”, instead of something like “we should hang out more”, or let's hang out again". And then there’s that blatant assumption that all my friends were dumb or not well-read enough, and to wrap it all up nicely, that ego!

On one hand, I wasn’t even sure if I should've gotten mad in the first place, because not only was that statement lacking any decorum whatsoever, it was also just… stupid. And we all know there’s no use getting pissed at dumb people.

On the other hand, I was wondering exactly what brand of stupid he was because that statement was jam-packed with (not too subtle) insults.

First of all, I don’t think I’d said or done something deserving an insult like that even once during our walk. And second, that’s the worst pickup line if you’re trying to get someone to hang out with you more.

Or did he really think I was so stupid that I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference?

Or perhaps he had such low self-esteem that the only way to distinguish himself was to resort to such a blatantly dumb statement?

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Over the years, I’ve come across one version or another of the same kind of dumb ego. From both men and women.

There are inevitably one or two engineers (often more) at work who think they’re the rockstars, and can’t stop singing their own praises and belittling everyone else’s work. If they cannot find a fault with a person or their work, they’ll make something up about their choice of vocation. Hardware engineers think software engineers are clueless. Software engineers think hardware engineers just connect capacitors to inductors, design engineers think test engineers suck, and most engineers think technicians are dumb.

You can take melanin out of the equation, or sex, or nationality, or sexual orientation, or religion; some people will still find ways to exploit and marginalize and demonize and just look down on others because somehow that’s the only way they can keep feeling better about themselves.

The thing though, is that such egoism makes you look stupid. And except for a few random exceptions, such egoism will, in fact, be an obstacle in your endeavors. Nobody likes a showoff after all, and when the showoff is as dumb as to not only show off but also to constantly discredit others, they have no chance of advancement whatsoever. People around these showoffs may humor them, but when it comes to the serious stuff, like new hires, promotions, salary increases, or just showing genuine respect, there will be none of those.

However, it’s important to note that strutting off one’s ego is very different from showing confidence. Some people think they need to criticize others to prove that they’re confident, but in the end, that kind of mentality only backfires.

True confidence, on the other hand, doesn’t require one to put others down. People who are confident in their own abilities understand that there’s always someone who knows more.

For every genius scientist, there’s an equally genius philosopher, or a painter, or a social worker, or a historian, or a poet, or what have you.

Most people recognize the hacks that are egomaniacs. And in most cases, egomaniacs tend to be more talk than action. Some people will be argumentative just because [they think] arguing makes them look smart.

For example, I once recommended an anime show to someone just as much a dumb egomaniac as my good friend Ben. A few days later, we met again and he started off by listing out all the things that were wrong with this anime.

At one point, I couldn’t help but ask, “dude, did you just skim the entire season so we could have this pointless conversation today?” What baffles me when I encounter such people is that they continue to embarrass themselves in such petty ways even though it makes them look so stupid. If I have to give them credit for anything, it is their relentless effort to prove their self-importance.

Such trickery may work when they meet someone equally clueless, but at one point or another, they come across those who know better and when they try to play the same trick, the result is embarrassing at best. But of course, these egomaniacs are still just as apathetic as ever.

Some people think humility is a sign of weakness. Someone once told me that if you do not tell people that you’re good at something, they won’t know. To which my response was, “who cares?” Eventually, those who need to know, will know.

For example, if I’m good at my work (I'm an electrical engineer), there’s no way my boss and my colleagues won’t see it. And that’s really all that matters. No one else even needs to know whether or not I’m a genius engineer.

In my experience, the really smart people, and I’ve had the opportunity to know and work with a few, are the humblest while exuding such confidence that does not require them to voice it out loud. They prove their worth with their work. They are meticulous, determined, sincere, and above all, they respect those below them. They show the same respect to newbie engineers that they show to their peers.

And everyone loves them, starting from the janitors, to the security guards, to the technicians, to the junior engineers, all the way to the top brass of the company.

And in any case, I’d take humility over talking big and then looking stupid any day.