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Dudes, Stop Doing These 5 Things On Your Dating Profile

by Alisan Keesee 9 months ago in advice
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I'm just a girl standing in front of men asking them to actually care about their dating profiles.

Dudes, Stop Doing These 5 Things On Your Dating Profile
Photo by Kev Costello on Unsplash

Online dating sucks. But, during the pandemic and within today's social circles, it is often the easiest way to meet people and put yourself out there. When spending time swiping through potential new boos, I've noticed a few things about a guy's profile that immediately turn me off. Now, I'm not saying I *never* like guys whose profiles carry these traits, but *almost* never.

I fully admit that these guys could totally be completely nice, upstanding guys. There's probably nothing inherently wrong with most of them. However, if you're looking for a relationship with a woman or feminine presenting person, they consider these when creating your next dating profile.

#1: Profile Only Contains Photos

Photos are arguably the most important part of a dating profile. Now, while I would love to sit here and say that looks don't matter, that's not entirely true for everyone. Yet, looks definitely are not the most important thing to me. Therefore, even if you are extremely attractive, if I cannot read at least a basic profile, I'm not gonna match.

A few ideas on what to put? How about hobbies, things you're passionate about, if you're religious, what you're looking for (relationship or more casual?), etc. Anything a potential partner may want to know. Think about what YOU want to know about a potential partner and build a profile based on that.

#2: Profile Has No Photos

Most dating apps (in my experience) require at least one photo. However, I have seen many people skirt around this by uploading memes, art, their pets, etc. Now, I do think those can be part of a photo spread (especially the pets), you need to include at least one decent photo of yourself. Do not post half your face or a poorly taken selfie. I know not everyone has quality photos, but this is a great opportunity to take some.

Also, not everyone is completely confident in themselves which is totally understandable and fine. Despite what my profile may look like, I also lack quite a bit of confidence (as my last ex could attest). But, confidence is sexy, even feigned confidence. Even the most confident person has insecurities and I don't think (or at least hope) that most people do not go into a potential relationship with the expectation that their partner has absolutely zero insecurities.

#3: Profile One Liners

Having a short bio is certainly better than no bio (unless you can successfully convey a bio via photos). Yet, I seem to come across some "cheeky" one liners like "Message me to find out" or "I don't know what to put here." To me, these come off as arrogant, lazy, or both.

Now, in some of these cases, it seems many of these profiles are not looking for a serious relationship. Simply wanting a potential match to message you instead of putting yourself out there seems either 1) Emotionally distant or 2). Like they are more interested in hookups.

If the second option is true, just say it! We'd rather know what you're looking for than be disappointed a week into talking.

#4: Lack of Creativity

After matching, the next big hurdle is testing conversation compatibility. Many conversations will naturally fizzle out. Others may leave you checking your phone every time it dings. Yet, I have a few conversation faux-pas that make me think twice about continuing it.

First, I'm open about being a writer on my profile. It's a big part of my life, so obviously, it feels important for a partner to know right off the bat. However, when every single conversation starts with a question about my writing it gets old. In fact, I recently had two of my matches message me the same question with slightly different wording!

I do love talking about my writing, but I'm tired of answering the same questions. Now, I'm not always the best at starting off conversations, so I will normally give this one a pass because it's hard and there's always going to be a little awkwardness. But, when sending the first message, take your time and think of something more specific or unique.

For example, if you're messaging a girl who says she's a musician, instead of asking her what she plays, ask her what her favorite performance was. These sorts of questions often yield hilarious stories and more natural conversation.

#5: Dragging Out Conversations

Sometimes, you can just tell if you don't click. While I do think you should give it some time to see if the initial awkwardness dies down, or if they're just shy, if it truly isn't clicking, don't continue the conversation. Personally, if I'm chatting with a guy on the app and we have not had a date or moved conversations away from the app (aka the initial stages of conversation) and they aren't feeling it. I honestly don't care about being ghosted. (If we moved past either of the other two criteria then I may care more). Also, this is based on my personal preferences, others may not take kindly to ghosting, even under those circumstances.

Dragging out a conversation unnecessarily makes it feel painful and puts pressure on me to continue the conversation. It may even lead to me ghosting, or otherwise ending the conversation. If it's obviously and truly not working out, stop wasting your and their time.

I don't want to claim to be an expert on this, but I think one woman's insight into how I judge a man's dating profile might help men in general. Sometimes, it's not your photos deterring matches, it's that your profile is only photos.


About the author

Alisan Keesee

I am a 25-year-old Seattle based writer who lives with my cat. Originally from a small, unincorporated Washington town, I have a penchant for boybands, black coffee, and true crime. I am a graduate of Western Washington University.

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