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Don't Let Him

by Kai Giambattisto 3 years ago in advice

Why You Shouldn't Stay with Your Cheating/Abusive/Worthless Boyfriend

Ladies, do you have an ex?

A cheating ex? A lying ex? A scheming, a**hole, douche bag ex?

Yeah, me too.

My first "love" f*cked me up good. He lied about everything, he picked my outfits, blocked my best friends numbers on my phone, cried when I made plans to go out (in an attempt to get me to stay home), cheated on me more times than I could count, and ALWAYS made me feel like it was my fault.

But I stayed, for years. And the first time he hit me, was when I caught HIM cheating. I tried so many times to leave him, but could never convince myself it was the right choice. I believedI could help him, or change him. Or that if he just loved me enough, or for long enough, he would change himself. But I was wrong. SOOOO...

Here's my advice for you.

1. The first time you catch him cheating, leave. It won't be the last time, and wasn't the first time he did it. Just the first time you found out about it.

Just because you've never seen or caught him doing this before doesn't mean he hasn't. And chances are if he's doing it now, its because he HAS done it before. And will continue to do it regardless of what he tells you. If he didn't care enough to stay faithful, then you need to put yourself and your own well-being first. Leave his shady ass.

2. If he puts his hands on you, leave.

Again, if he hits you once he will hit you again. No man should feel justified in hitting his woman. No matter the situation. But ESPECIALLY if he was in the wrong and is hitting you for catching him f*cking up. Trust me, been there and done that. He won't change, he is a lost cause.

3. If he controls who you can be friends with/where you are "allowed" to go/who you are allowed to talk to.

Do not let your man tell you what you can or cannot do. You are your own person, and to be in a healthy relationship you both need to be independent, confident and secure in yourself and in your relationship. Trust is necessary.

If he is dictating who your friends can be, what you can where, what your hobbies are, etc, then he either doesn't trust you OR... he is doing something behind your back and is paranoid that if he lets you out of his sight you'll do the same OR find out what he's doing. He is projecting. That is NOT OKAY.

4. If he doesn't let you touch his phone, or is constantly changing his passcode so that you don't know it.

As stupid as it may seem, phones are a huge part of relationships nowadays. A huge part of everyday life. Our lives are stored on our phones. Pictures, contacts, social media, messages, etc. If he is not comfortable with you being able to grab his phone to look something up, or to let you see what he's talking to people about then most of the time he's doing something shady.

I believe that in a healthy and stable relationship both partners either have no passcodes or know each others passcodes-- NOT to go through it to try to find dirt on each other. But just to know that you have nothing to hide and are open to letting each other see what you're doing. Honesty and openness are important.

5. Break ups, makeups, break ups, makeups, and on and on and on.... CUT IT!

If you and your partner have broken up more times than you can count, throw in the towel. In most cases, if you are "chronic breakup-ers" (do you like my made up term?) its because you're trapped in an unhealthy cycle. Stop trying to force something just because its comfortable. As soon as you give up something bad, you make room for something good to enter your life.

I hope this helps someone... anyone.

*must be credited for my work*

Kai Giambattisto
Kai Giambattisto
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Kai Giambattisto

23 year old mother, wife, & survivor.

Outspoken & hardheaded.

Spiritual & stubborn.

Singer, Songwriter, Poet, & Wanna-be Novelist.

[email protected]

insta: @kaigibsonofficial

twitter: @kgibsonofficial

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