In fact, it is a small probability that you will become real friends with your roommate in the time you spend together.
I don't know if you've ever been like me.
The moment you step into a dormitory, you unconsciously have high expectations for your roommate: expecting to become a best friend or a brother, expecting to gain friendship and become a best friend.
I even subconsciously presupposed the position of "roommates are friends".
In reality, roommates don't necessarily become friends; you're essentially just a period of shared accommodation along the way, and it's nice to be able to live together in peace and harmony for four years of college.
And when you have the inevitable conflict with your roommate, how do you handle it so that it doesn't affect your normal life and studies as much as possible? How do you keep socializing in the dorm without creating too much internal self-consumption and without interfering with other more important things?
This is probably one of the most important lessons we have to learn in our four years of college.
But why do we think so easily about our roommates' words and behaviors, and even interfere with our own important things? How can roommates be friendly with each other, or at least not interfere with each other's lives and not turn into a relationship of cross-pollination? Friendship is of course a very good friendship, and college is the best stage to gain friends, but how can you get it, and does obsession help?
In this article today, I want to talk about my own experience and feelings. I hope that for you who are still in the college dormitory life, or who have already graduated from work but still have a heart for the college dormitory, you can have a little help or inspiration.
From the Korean drama "Run On
1. My roommate always gets in the way of my study, but I'm too embarrassed to stop him, what should I do?
The first time I saw this was in the summer, when a girl who was about to be a senior came to me and asked.
The first thing you need to do is to get a good idea of what you are getting into.
I feel she is targeting me, trying to make me fail the exam! And the worst part is that I became very afraid of her, so I was always distracted and unable to concentrate when studying! I always feel that she is going to knock me on the head next ...... How can I do well in my exams if I go on like this? I'm not sure if I'll be able to get into my ideal school for graduate school. I have to do what ah?
As someone who has graduated five or six years ago, after hearing the full story of her so-called conflict with her roommate, my first feeling was "it's really not worth mentioning, don't make it relevant, just stay away from that roommate".
However, when I put myself in her shoes, I felt that I was not much more sober than she was when I encountered this kind of thing as a student, but the harm that comes from not handling this kind of thing well is really a fatal drain on myself.
So, how do you get out of the situation of being disturbed by your roommate, and especially, how do you get rid of this fear of being victimized by paranoia?
I shared with her some ideas and practices that have worked well.
First of all, we have to realize that "harming others is not the goal of most people.
The first thing you need to do is to realize that the majority of people do not have the same goals. The actual fact is that you can find a lot of people who are not sure what to do with the actual money.
The second thing is that you need to learn to "reject" people who do not have a sense of boundaries and a sense of proportion.
Your roommate can't concentrate on her own studies, she always asks you how you're doing, follows your wake up and study time unconditionally, and interferes with your studies ...... This is her lack of boundaries and sense of proportion. You have to express it immediately, only in the heart of speculation she and hate her is not going to play any role. This will only consume your own precious time and energy for nothing. Maybe she's just brain dead, but I think as long as you clearly point it out once or twice, she'll probably get it and correct it.
The last point is the most important: we should be bold enough to express our feelings and ideas, and "do not hold back because of the roommate's feelings".
The reason is that if you and your roommate's friendship is real, then it won't be so bad that it will fall apart just because you point out some of ta's excesses. If you are not really friends with your roommate, then you should act according to the basic courtesy and respect between people and point out each other's inappropriate behavior to avoid its constant influence. That is, don't get in the way of that vain roommate love and shy away from it, and be affected by the study also their own internal consumption.
In short, physically try to stay away from people and environments that only consume you (if you don't have the conditions to rent an apartment, then stay less in the dormitory during the day to study and go to the library or study room more often), and psychologically don't demand any "roommate love" or "friendship", let's talk about things and have love to talk about love, otherwise focus on your most important study at the moment as soon as possible and don't be kidnapped by that vain love.
When I patiently finished this pile, I found that it was still a rather summary idea, and I didn't know if she really listened to it and would do it.
So I shared my own experience with her, hoping that my own struggles, attempts, choices, reflections when faced with similar problems, and years later, looking back and thinking, in contrast, could really help her.
(The good news is that when she was asked a month later how things were going, she said she immediately did what she was told after hearing the advice and story, and then it worked out perfectly, very quickly, that is, the other person had no idea before that her actions and behavior were getting in the way! (......)
2. my college, and roommates love each other and kill each other story
When you first enter college, you should all be the same, full of longing to make new friends.
My intention was to "cast a wide net" and make "friends" from all over the country. After all, it was a fresh start, where we could leave behind all the happy and unhappy things in the past, show ourselves again, and collide from the beginning, and we would probably meet and make some interesting and compatible friends.
However, soon you have to admit: the truth of human nature is to take refuge in the easy, not to seek near and far.