Do It Just Because She Wants You To

“Hey, honey, these towels are a week old. Let’s go shopping for new ones,” said no husband ever.

I was one of the lucky ones — or unlucky, depending on your point of view — that didn’t get married young. I didn’t hit college until many years later, so after high school, I hung out, ran with my boys, had some fun, and sowed my wild oats. (I don’t really know what that last one means, but people say it, so I threw it in.)

I met my future wife, stole her from a (former) friend, settled down, and got married in the course of about a year at the ripe old age of 25. It was time, and I thought I was ready.

I wasn’t.

The thing about running around for years after leaving your parents’ house is you get to do pretty much anything you want, or not do anything you don’t want. And what most guys don’t understand, including me, is that pretty much stops when you have a partner.

Because a partner implies a partnership.

And that lack of understanding is the source of most of the friction I see in young couples. She is ready to settle down. He wants to keep doing what he’s been doing, with added benefits. Hopefully, sooner rather than later, he figures this out, or the marriage falls apart.

Because that’s how partnerships fail.

But if he comes to his senses early enough to right the rocky canoe, he will realize two great truths. And I can tell you, after 40 years, that these are absolutes.

She is right 80% of the time.

She is right the other 20%; you just don’t know it yet.

Here’s the thing too few men understand: Women are smarter than us. They just are. I’m a pretty smart guy. I know stuff. I can do things. I can write this article.

But compared to my wife, I’m a moron.

Sometimes, I’m surprised I can get dressed in the morning. And by that, I mean putting on the clothes my wife bought for me, because, except for socks and underwear, I shouldn’t be allowed to pick out my own clothes.

And the jury is still out on the socks.

So, here it is, guys. And I’m speaking mostly to the younger men. But I’m also talking to my fellow OGs (old guys). The sooner you figure this out, the better your life and marriage will be. It’s hard to get over that hump, but trust me.

It’s worth it.

Someday, early on in your marriage, your wife will say something like, “Do you want to go shopping with me today?” The first lesson you need to learn, and this took me decades, is: she’s not asking you what you want to do, she’s telling you what she wants you to do. So, learn that lesson first.

Do you want to go shopping? Hell no, of course you don’t. So you say, “No, honey, I think I’ll hang here and clean out the garage.” So she kisses you, says, “Ok, baby, I’ll be back in a little while” and off she goes, while you crack open a beer and break out the PlayStation.

But you just lost a point.

And it’s a low scoring game. This isn’t basketball; you’re playing soccer. Get down three goals, and you can pack it in. You are going to have one of those nights. You know, where she asks you if you prefer the blue or the green towels, and you give her your honest answer. (Don’t do that). Then she blows up, and you learn you should have listened to her and gotten the larger sofa.

But try this. Just one time. Do something she wants you to do, just because she wants to — no other reason. And frankly, that’s the only reason you need. Lord knows she has done plenty of stuff with you, that she didn’t want to. You think she really wanted season tickets and to sit with you through every game? Of course not, but she did it anyway. So do something just because she wants you to.

Because that’s what partners do.

And here is what you are going to discover.

It wasn’t so bad.

It made her happy.

Making her happy is a very, very good thing.

So, you try it again. And again. And slowly, it becomes second nature. After a while, you realize that the world, at least your world, is a lovely place to live. You still don’t care what color the towels are, but you discover that walking through the home goods store with her, watching her smile, and probably buying both colors is a pretty fun thing to do.

Because she is happy.

And making her happy should be your life’s work.

And I hate to say it, but it is work. Even after 40 years, sometimes she will ask me if I want to do something, and my first reaction is, are you kidding me? But I’ve learned to smile and take a few breaths. Then I think about the useless thing I was going to do instead. And I reflect on all the other times when I said yes, (and the times when I said no). And I realize how easy it is, if I honestly think about it, to make her happy.

And I say, “Sure, sweetie, that would be great.”

Just because she wants me to.

That’s reason enough.

If you enjoyed this article, please consider dropping me a tip below. Thanks for reading.