Divorce May Not Be the Answer
Communication opens doors to resolutions.
Why, oh why, is there such a lack of communication among families these days! Whatever happened to the notion of working things out through the use of communication? These are just two of the many questions I ask myself whenever I hear of divorce between couples whom I know, don’t know, or even celebrity couples. I don’t want to stereotype celebrities because, like us, they’re individuals with huge incomes earned from their crafts of either singing, acting, writing, dancing, etc. in front of millions of viewers. However, I have noticed that an awful lot of divorces are among celebrities, though I won’t name any names. Still, how can a woman decide, “This just isn’t working out. I want a divorce,” so quickly after giving birth to a second child that you both supposedly prayed for? If it’s not a case of physical abuse or verbal abuse, it should be worth considering what drew you to your significant other or spouse in the first place. What was it about him that made you give him that second look? What was it about her that made you have to have her phone number at first sight? What gave you the nerve to approach her to introduce yourself as possibly the man of her dreams? I’ve often heard people say that when it comes to making big decisions a person must look deep within himself or herself before making any life changing decisions. The first time that I heard that expression I thought, “as if our eyes could turn around and look inside our bodies." That would truly be a sight to see; all of the major organs operating to keep us functioning as human beings. Still, I understood what that concept meant due to circumstances in which it was used.
Communication is the key to making any type of relationship work. I learned that years ago in my own marriage. And, as apprehensive as individuals can be when it comes to opening up about our feelings to others, even those we know and love, it is of the utmost importance when it comes to building a lasting relationship with anyone. But, each person involved in the relationship must be willing to share their thoughts or feelings on what they perceive is causing issues in the relationship to the point of ending it abruptly. Talking is how individuals meet because it’s how we introduce ourselves and share those qualities about ourselves that we think will attract someone that we are attracted to, especially beyond the friendship level. Obviously, talking was necessary to keep the relationship going for as long as it has, despite the context of the conversation. And then there’s how you talk to another person, whether it’s a spouse, significant other, family, or friend.the way a person delivers a message can be taken in either a good or bad way. That sound in our voices as we speak each word of the message to whom we’re speaking with, along with body language, creates an instant impression to those directly affected by an individual’s message. I can’t count the times I have spoken to someone when I was in a not-so-good mood. Most of the time, the person to whom I’m speaking, will ask me if I have an attitude with him or her, or what I did to you. The same thing has happened too many times in my marriage as well, I must admit. It’s never my intention to speak to someone with an attitude, despite what I’m experiencing in my personal life. I have been on the receiving end of someone speaking with me while in a foul mood about something that I have or had nothing to do with. I don’t like that either. So, I am more aware of how I speak to everyone, and my body language, while I’m speaking. Communication!
As far as marriage is concerned, I am still working genuinely to keep the lines of communication open between my spouse and me, so that we are always aware of how each other is feeling, not just when something out of the ordinary happens. This has not always been the case for me because I was so busy behaving as a wife, when I really didn’t understand what being a wife meant. It’s not just about the physical and emotional. It is spiritual, as well as, mental support that is necessary on a daily basis because of the challenges that naturally come with the institution of marriage. I admit that there have been times when I felt like the best thing I can do for my husband would be to just walk out of his life. These feelings only surface after a disagreement that may also be considered an argument. I have had to check myself so many times, through my private thoughts. This gives me the courage to be woman enough to admit my faults or contribution to that which has led to our disagreement. It has never been easy for me to admit when I’m wrong, under any circumstances. But, I have offered my sincere apologies, once I’ve realized how and why I was at fault. How my apologies have been received, I can only guess is in a positive way. My husband and I will soon be celebrating 25 years together. Like most couples, we still face many challenges, individually and as a couple.
I know there are cases in which a spouse or significant other feels like the only thing left to do is simply to end the relationship, especially if infidelity has occurred. From my personal experience, I know it’s hard to forgive someone whom you feel has, at some point, chosen to spend intimate, personable moments with someone other than you. Women, like men, have egos too and react to situations of perceived infidelity in many different ways: end the relationship, stay and try to catch him or her in the act, stay and try to work things out with him or her, or have a fling of his or her own in an attempt to gain some sense of self-worth through an affair with someone who seems to find you extremely attractive. Those are just a few ways in which individuals have been known to respond to infidelity. There are reasons why a spouse, or significant other, will feel attracted to another man or woman other than the woman that he or she should be committed to completely. However, and whenever, the truth comes out, communication is key to fixing the relationship if both of you are wiling to do what is necessary to fix it, not just repair for a while. It’s a good idea to get to the root of the problem to gain some form of understanding as to how you have gone from, “I just got to have her name and number,” and, “Oh! I can just see myself with him, maybe having his child,” to “I can’t stand him or her,” or, “I don’t want this anymore. Forget it! I’m out!” I do not I claim to be a therapist, I just feel like communication has attributed to the success of many different relationships both personal and professional, especially for those with a sincere desire to make the relationship work.
Unfortunately, when it comes to communication, not everyone is willing to engage in It, for different reasons. I have noticed that oftentimes individuals who are unwilling to communicate with their significant other, go from relationship to relationship because when things start to turn sour, they head for the hills. Oh yeah. You’ll really find true love like that [sarcasm]. In good times and bad times, while overcoming obstacle after obstacle, I have declared to GOD, myself, and my husband that I’m here til death do us part! The lines of communication remain open 24/7 between us!