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Defining Relationships

Surviving in the World Tip #6

By Keane Neal-RiquierPublished 5 years ago 3 min read
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One of the hardest things to accept in life is the fact that everyone who walks into your life plays a role. This role is specific to them, and you really don’t have much choice over what role they play.

There comes the point in every relationship, platonic and romantic, that you have to make the decision of what does this person mean to you. You have to ask yourself questions like:

  • What has this person meant to me since we’ve met?
  • Where do I see this person in my life in the future?
  • Are they toxic?

With this, you focus on the past, present, and future. This is vital in relationships. You can have the best memories with a person, but it doesn’t mean that they deserve to be in your life. If someone doesn’t make you happy in the here and now, you should reconsider their part in your future. And if you can’t see a future with someone, no matter how they make you feel, or have made you feel, you might have to put the brakes on it. Time is precious, and you don’t want to lose it in developing something that will never last.

The reason you can’t always have a choice over what a person means to you is that it ultimately has to lay in line with how they defined you in their lives. If one of you says, “I want you in my life forever,” and the other says, “This relationship has an expiration date,” you can’t reconcile between the two.

No matter how hard you try, you can’t make this work, because it will be like stuffing a square peg into a round hole. You can try, you can grab the hammer, you can grab the lubricant, but it won’t work.

By doing this, you are not only forcefully making someone they aren’t, you are damaging both yourself and them.

If you grab the hammer and use force, one of you is bound to break, because of the excessive pressure. This break can lead to damage that lasts a lifetime, and it may never be truly healed.

If you grab the lubricant and use finesse, it is bound to still remain in failure. You may have gotten the square peg through, but they won’t fit in, because they will be surrounded by all of the other round pegs that naturally fit through.

Enough with the analogies. What I am trying to say is that if someone doesn’t fit into your life the way that you expected them to, it is time to let them walk away. You never know, they may come back in the future, and fit the role you’ve always wanted them too.

This is when you have to be honest with yourself, and be reflective of your perception of the world, and how it is actually coming to fruition. And guess what!

When you stop forcing people into your life, that is when the best stuff happens. When you go with the flow, and let people be who they are meant to be, you start seeing the world in a new light, and you start surrounding yourself in the love and affection that you deserve as a human being.

There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, and I promise you that letting go of the past is the best way to get to that light.

One final comment. Nothing in life is definitive… I am sorry too, but you are about to get one more final analogy. I know, it’s a tragedy, and it’s the best way I can describe what I am trying to say.

You need to live life like water, and flow with what you are given. Fluidity is the key to happiness, because that means you can bend and wave through the highest peaks and the lowest valleys the way that suits you best.

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About the Creator

Keane Neal-Riquier

Writing and storytelling have been a passion of mine ever since I was young. I look to dig deep into what it means to be human, and this is what you will find at the very core of my writing.

Website: atyourservicefreelancing.com

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