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Dearest "Daisy"

by Teddy K. 3 years ago in heartbreak
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A Letter I'll Never Send

I'm going to replace this person's name with "Daisy," because at the moment I feel as helpless as Gatsby was in The Great Gatsby. I've changed a lot of things from the original piece to hold some mystery, but this is about someone in my life.

Dearest Daisy,

I don't mean to be dramatic, but I think that you’ve nearly broken my heart. Not only do you continue to play games with me without even realizing it (or maybe you do), but you're also so far out of my league that I’m shocked I didn’t see this fact sooner. While I enjoy your overall aesthetic and your picture perfect existance, I don’t enjoy feeling so alienated just by having these kinds of feelings for you. I’ve very much come to love and enjoy your flat out disability to take a conventional photo, and I’ve even grown slightly attached to your strange use of emojis and use of exclaimation points. However, it’s a handful of various events that have seemed to push me away from the idea of truly chasing after you. The conflicts rent space in my mind as follows:

1. How can I chase after someone who won’t even seem to look at me when I’m right there?

2. When we message, the conversation feels so generic. It's as if I don't matter at all.

3. You’re so far out of my league that I find it difficult to believe that you would ever want something to do with a girl like me.

4. Even when I find myself fawning over you, there’s still always a significant part of me that aches at the thought that you are not my person to adore.

5. Your family is so well put together, that it makes mine look terrible. How will I ever bring you home?

6. I feel as though I'll never get you to see me for all that I am.

7. I've grown so acustom to jumping to the worst of conflusions, that I assume you don't love me because you must be dating some spaghetti strap wearing harlot behind my back.

8. Every other person that I think could compete with you, very well may sweep me away. This should be pathetic to me and a wake up call for you.

While I've limited myself to a collection of eight issues exactly, I can probably spit out a couple of more if I put my mind to it. Then again, they say that if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. If this is true, doctor Emmett Brown, then how come I haven’t gotten my Daisy to see how compatible we are? It’s almost ridiculous how stuck I’ve gotten on this beautiful fool. I decided a while back that if I was pushed to a breaking point, I would let it happen.

If I end up snapping on you, my Daisy, and I tell you how goddamn blind you’ve been, I will not have any regrets. Even if my friends doubt this statement, I assure you that it is nothing but pure truth. Matter of factly, I think I can come up with something right now, so that perhaps I can astral project onto some kind of alternate plain where you can hear me loud and clear.

My dearest Daisy? I fear that one day I will fall hopelessly, irretrievably in love with you, and you are far too dense to understand this. You are far too dense to take a chance, you are far too dense to see how badly you’ve hurt me, and you are far too dense to most likely try to make this relationship a reality. It is not only infuriating, but absolutely moronic that you have your head so far up your ass that you can’t see the lengths that I have gone (and will continue to go) for you.

If I was being honest, I could admit to myself that if you showed up here and now, I would drop to my knees and beg for a chance. However, I’m much too stubborn to give into truths such as that so easily, so instead, I will say this: It is your fault that I’m here writing so intensely. It is your loss that I’m too heartbroken to consider messaging you again. It is your wrong doings that make me feel as though I try too hard everyday with my makeup and my outfits, and it is your impression that have me doing the slightest things to rebel against you and feeling undeniably alive for not fitting in with your cookie cutter life.

It’s ridiculous, because I know that I want these things. I want to be a part of you, I want to be a part of your family, I want to see your smile and I want to feel your love. I want to protect your heart and save your time, and understand all of the little insecurities that come with the Daisy package. I just can’t seem to make it clear to you, so I wear darker makeup, I dress a little more provocatively, and I post about people that are nothing like you to make you see how different I can be. How I want to change for you, be good for you, and make everything as positive as I can for you. I fear that the exact moment that another person realizes this exact thing, so will you. It is my greatest fear that our chemistry is real, we do click, and we can be happy, but the timing is all out of wack.

It’s happened many times before where I go head first in the deep end for someone, the attraction is undeniable, and then they tell me that they just aren’t ready. I’ve waited time and time again for someone to be ready, but I’m just going to come out and say it: I cannot do this to myself for much longer. Those relations did not end well for me, and yes, I am fearful that the same will happen to us, my Daisy. More fearful than I could ever possibly try and convey.

Sincerely,

Your very own Jay Gatsby.

heartbreak

About the author

Teddy K.

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