Dear future lover, please love me like...

Dear future lover, please love me like my sister and I love one another.

Love me like my sister loves me when she asks me to let her know when I arrive somewhere safely. With a thoughtfulness that reminds you of me when you see my favorite character on a t-shirt. Love me with an understanding to know when I am ready to talk, and when to leave me be until I can piece together my words. Love me with a sense of admiration that’s not afraid to tell me when I’m wrong. Love me like my sister who runs to me to tell me about her good days, but also entrusts me as the only person to show the darkest parts to. I desire a love that knows the way I think and process, but more importantly respects it.

Shower me in a love that puts less pepper on my piece of salmon since you know I don’t like it and saves me the burnt corners of the brownies since they are my favorite. Embrace me in a way that squeezes the life out of me, and sometimes makes me accidentally bite my tongue from how fast you run in for my embrace.

Future lover, love me in the way that I love my sister. With a ferocity that intimidates those around her, and a protectiveness that allows no one to harm her. Love me in a way that makes mountains move in the background but will never let me know it. Love me the way I love my sister that I will sit on the traumatic bathroom floor until she’s ready to move to the shower.

Please love me in a way that says “the coffee shop is nearby, so let me pick up her favorite coffee and strawberry bismark donut.” I desire a love that will listen to my stories and follow me around the house as I simultaneously rabbit hole through the details and get ready in the morning, but still never loses interest. Love me so effortlessly that being in my presence, even in silence, is a treasure to one another. Love me so intently that you look at the smallest details of the world that I point out, but truly stop to admire them with me with your full attention.

Love me in a way that reminds me daily. Even if that’s never leaving the house without a kiss on the cheek or never ending a call without an “I love you”… even the 23 second calls about shampoo and conditioner.

Future lover, please love me the way that my dad loves me. To allow me to cry on your shirt until it is soaked and console me until I am whole again. Love me by watching me sleep when I have an allergic reaction to a medication and rubbing my back to lessen the crawling sensation through my body. Love me in a way that knows I’m lying when I say I am okay and allows me to openly go through the motions of my thoughts until I feel ready to talk about it. Love me in a protective way that is always watching my back, especially when I let my guard down.

Show me a love that never makes me feel less than or superior to the others you dearly love. A love that never plays favorites, even on days when I am your least favorite human. I crave a love that shows me you love me, even when you try to play it cool with slipping me small gifts. Love me in a way that says “have you gone to the doctor yet?” and “call me after to let me know how it goes.” Please love me in a way that makes you choose me in life’s most impossible situations, but never make me feel guilty for it down the road. Love me in a way that encourages me to pursue my passions, even if you are unsure you agree or don't share the same desires. Encourage my individuality by allowing me to flourish as my own self first.

Dear future lover, please love me like my nana loves me. A love that would wake up extra early to make my favorite breakfast or help me with my hair. Love me in a way that says “this person is mine” like she considers me her own daughter. Love me in a way that turns a phone call for one question into a 45-minute call because you miss hearing my voice. Love me in a way that follows through on the question I asked you, even if you get the answer weeks later.

Please love me in a way that you know me down to my simplest actions, like how rubbing my arm will make me fall asleep and playing with my hair sends chills down my spine. I crave a love that indulges my deepest questions about life, love and the world without brushing me off.

Dear future lover, please love me in the way my mother tried to love me, and then grew to be able to love me through periods of healing. Love me in a way that says “I’ve been hurt but I am willing to grow from it and protect you from the same hurt.” Love me in a way that acknowledges the gaps in our relationship, then finds our own unique ways to bridge them.

Above all, future lover please love me the way my non-biological family loves me. Love me like the family who chose me and accepted me as their own. Is that not what you will be doing too?

Love me like my grandfather, who I never knew wasn’t my blood relative until I was much older. He loves me as fiercely as anyone else in his family. Love me like my stepmother who took me on as her own daughter and was there for me in ways my mother never could be. The way my stepmom took a chunk out of her wedding ceremony to openly make a commitment to me as well.

Love me as deeply as my best friend who is no less my sister than my biological ones. Who will come to my rescue when my world is falling apart, but is equally present and uplifting in all of life’s successes. Love me like my friend who texts me “good morning my sweets” to make sure I start every day knowing I am loved and important. Please love me like my friend who reminds me I can always bring up any conversation I desire without being turned down. Love me in a way that holds me when I am sobbing from working on my vulnerability.

Love me in a way that validates me and my feelings in each and every interaction. Love me in a way that reassures your love for me and continually reminds me how wanted I am. To never leave me anxious or wondering otherwise. I desire to be loved so thoroughly that I look forward to every day with you, even the tough ones. I want to be loved so genuinely and passionately that I laugh and cry harder than I ever have before. That I have no doubt of being supported by you.

Dear future lover, I promise to love you in all these ways that scream “I love you” without having to say it, while also remembering to verbalize it. However, my bigger promise is to myself. I promise to not love again until I meet you, who will continually love me in all the ways I ask (not beg), deserve, and could never even think of, because I deserve nothing less.

Until then, I vow to remember how loved and valued I already am. So that when I meet you, my love, it will be a beautiful compliment to the world of love I already cherish.