Counting Stars

Standing in front of the door, before heading inside for the night as the still air blows with a gentle breeze rustling the trees. No noise is heard as the street below is bare. The only source of light is the full moon staring back at you as you stand with one hand in your pocket and the other gripping your keys as if they are your safety line to life. Suddenly a thought, a memory to be more specific pops into your head and you can smell the distinct scent of vanilla and lavender. Your mouth tastes of peppermint. And your eyes blink back tears as the song that you listened to on repeat comes flooding back lyric after lyric. Humming along you stare at the moon in a heated stare down. Willing yourself not to blink you stand there. Goosebumps rise on your skin as the temperatures drop. Lights fill the blacktop street as a car passes by.

"Go inside" you mumble to yourself yet your feet make no effort to move. Not knowing whether or not you want to scream, cry, or run you stand there. Tears fall from your eyes, rolling down your cheeks as you scream in your head for them to stop. All of the dreams, hopes, aspirations, and goals you had planned.. with her. All of it ruined by one fight, a fight so unnecessary and uncalled for. Heading inside and trying to calm yourself by doing household tasks you still find yourself staring out the window and counting the stars. Just like the song, you think of her once more. Not that thinking of her is uncommon because you do that every day, she's always there in the forefront of your mind with everything you do or say. Anytime something good happens you want to call her, anytime bad news arrives you want to cry in her arms and melt into her comfort. But alas she is gone and no more will you ever be allowed to do anything with her again.

But a figment of our own agony and imagination, she lives deep within the well built vault you've created in your mind. She lives where no one can hurt her, you, or the memories of you both anymore. Even as you stand there and tell yourself to move you know a part of you will always be held back, always be hers, and always be splintered off from true reality. Finally your legs give in and you move inside the house, humming along to the song in your head. Going about your nightly chores and routine, you try everything to keep her at bay but there she is. Always hanging over your shoulder like the anti- fairy godmother.

"Why don't you just call me? Or text? All of this wondering has got to be driving you crazy. Trust me just pick up the phone and contact me." She says leaning against the counter with her arms crossed, her purple sweater hanging low enough where you can see white undershirt meet bare skin, her green army pants hugging her hips snugly, and her smile cracking your heart as a hammer bangs a nail into wood. Shaking your head and blinking her away, you let out a long awaited sigh and continue washing the dishes while still staring out the window at the moon above. Washing, rinsing, and sighing goes on too long and you only notice this when a hand is placed on your shoulder and you are asked "Are you okay?"

And then of course what is there to say? No I'm not okay I've a love sick puppy to a woman who never wants to see me again? But no you shake your head and say it has just been a long day and that you're just tired. A cover up that works oh so well at this point and why shouldn't it? It's well rehearsed. To the point you begin to believe it yourself, that is until memories such as these rear their ugly head and make you forget the bad and only remember the good. So what is there to do?

You sit here and continue counting the stars, humming to the song and thinking only of her once more.

THE END.