Company or Being Alone

Sometimes I want to be around a lot of people like at a huge concert. Just watching the people and seeing how they dress for the occasion is fun for me. Some of them I criticize for their fashion choices. While others I admire how they are able to put together outfits that are unique especially if the clothing is not the latest fad. Men who sometimes ignore fashion can be real peacocks at some events. Like the men who wear alligator shoes or distinguish looking hats. The women with them are usually very sharp dressers. The type who are comfortable and know their body type and dress to accentuate it well.

Then you have the people who just miss the mark. They try to look like someone else and the outfits are a huge fashion fail. The women who wear short skirts and their knees are ugly with dark rough skin and huge bones protruding out. Or they have fat knees so fat they look like they are swollen. Or maybe they are swollen in this case I should stop being so critical and have more empathy.

Now I know people are looking at me and doing the same thing. Probably wonder why I wear long skirts. Why do I have a scarf on my head and why are my clothes so loose? I do not know them, and they do not know me. Any way why do I think I have the right to judge their sense of fashion? Do they have the right to choose mine? My dress is largely dictated by my choice to worship as a Muslim and adhere to the best of my ability to its rules. For women we are to be modest and not show our figures to get attention. We are given guidelines in the Holy Quran and it is left are to our interpretation and choice. “No forcing in Islam.” This is why you will see some Muslim women not wear any covering on their heads in public and others you will see anything from headscarves to their face being covered by veils.

Some days I love to be out in public although the pandemic has made this a challenge for me. This challenge has begun to affect me a lot. I feel confused somedays about how to be safe during this time. Mask inside or not to mask. What is considered a large crowd 10 or more, etc. Also I have chosen to get fully vaccinated and I never thought this would be a source of contention between me and some people I truly respect. All it takes is mentioning the Corona Virus vaccine and some people just go nuts about how the government is trespassing upon our FREEDOM! Really full scale ranting and raving.

Then you have the opposite side venting about how the unvaccinated are selfish and hurting everyone by not getting vaccinated. It is enough to make you go sit in a corner and want to shout— “Shut Up!”

Many days I am alone for long hours about 10 due to my husband managing our family business and I staying home because of me being a cancer survivor and a Type 2 diabetic. Making me more likely if I catch the virus to be seriously ill from it. This is causing me some mental anguish. It has been just over two years and somedays I feel like I am in prison in my own home. I can see outside, hear the birds, step on my porch to get some sun however I feel limited even confined. I am still very leery about doing any traveling and being in large crowds like at the airport or bus station. I still do not go to worship as I use to do at my local masjid because some folks like to hug, knowing they are not vaccinated and this makes me cringe. I pray for the day to return to my past life of feeling free to worship without fear of the possibly becoming ill. To roam around the city and the country to explore.