Communication With Peers: The 3 Interpersonal Needs of the Human Being

According to William Schutz, several factors determine our communication behavior. Therefore, communication is necessary for any of us to meet our so-called "interpersonal needs."

From William Schutz's point of view, the three interpersonal needs are the need for inclusion, the need for control, and the need for affection.

The need for inclusion

The first of the three interpersonal needs is the need for inclusion which manifests itself in the form of aspiration. What is this? The aspiration to obtain from the people around us the recognition of our value.

Through the need for inclusion we want to be accepted in a certain group of people, but not anyway, but based on a quality that we have and that sets us apart from others (primus inter pares effect).

The need for inclusion pushes us to behave in such a way that we can be noticed, to somehow stand out.

In an acute form, the need for inclusion characterizes celebrities or children with exhibitionist tendencies who prefer to be punished in a way that sets them apart, highlighting them, rather than losing their anonymity.

In the opinion of William Schutz, both this type of character and the one at the opposite pole that characterizes the need for inclusion (anti-star running away from advertising, illustrated by the famous but enigmatic Greta Garbo) act under the impulse of an identical motivation, namely fear of not being recognized for his merits.

No matter where we stand in terms of the need for inclusion, it is almost impossible to never feel the need to be noticed by a person of the opposite sex, an employer, etc., and to be accepted around or in the person's entourage.

The need for control

The second of the three interpersonal needs are, according to Schutz, the need for control, which is expressed by the desire to impose our will on others, to influence them at least a little, on the face or in the shadows.

Although appearances say otherwise, there is no binding link between the need for inclusion and the need for control. It is not uncommon for someone to prefer to influence "behind the scenes", which demonstrates a weak need for inclusion, but a very pronounced need for control.

On the other hand, some people strive to reach higher positions not to have control, but to satisfy their need for inclusion.

The need for affection

The last, but the most important of the three interpersonal needs is the need for affection. Some people are friendly, open, and warm in all their relationships, even the fleeting ones. Therefore, they expect similar behavior from those around them, because their need for affection is greater than that of others.

When the need for affection is blurred, we "face" people who prefer to keep their peers at bay, avoiding intimacy, which makes them look arrogant or proud. This attitude causes a state of discomfort in the dialogue that makes communication difficult.

Thus, we must recognize that emotional openness is necessary for the good development of the authentic dialogue, without, however, meaning that we can only communicate successfully with partners we love.

Even by simply listing William Schutz's three interpersonal needs (the need for inclusion, the need for control, and the need for affection), the idea is that our interaction with those around us is dictated not only by cognitive interest but also by needs. soulful.

If we often spend good hours in the company of loved ones, we do not do it to gather or provide information, but to feel good together, to exchange emotional values, ​​and to recognize ourselves in them.

The finding that other beings think and feel that we have the same preferences and similar aspirations validate not only them but also ourselves.