by Lena Bailey 4 days ago in advice

It's complicated.


I have been with men and a woman who've been cheated on. It sucks, they accuse you of doing stuff that you haven't done, and it strains the relationship. I was with one guy when I had drinks with someone else. I didn't do anything wrong, it was just drinking. He thought I did something that I shouldn't have and broke up with me. I cried all night feeling horrible. I never told him all of the details about that night; he just assumed the worst.

I get it, I really do. It's a betrayal that may never heal. My most recent ex was cheated on and I think I was the rebound chick. I don't think I have been cheated on but I think I was left for other people. Those issues and fears may never go away.

I will never condone cheating but there may be reasons that a person would cheat. Hear me out, this will make sense. The most recent ex didn't want to go out and do much, so I started to think that maybe the affair happened because his ex-wife went out and she met someone that she just clicked with. Again I don't condone cheating, but this theory does make sense. People need things from their relationships and if they don't get those things they will leave. Also, boundaries need to be set up like not being alone with certain people. The boundaries need to be honored too.

Men and women will cheat if they feel like their needs aren't being met. I had several guys go out with me while they were still married saying that they needed something they weren't getting at home. The problem is their wives didn't know about this and didn't give him permission. If you are needing something from your partner, you need to talk to them about it. If you have the talk you need to tell them that you guys can break up or switch to a more open or poly like relationship so your needs can be met.

Cheating is wrong but people can learn and change sometimes. Other times people don't think that what they are doing or have done is wrong. Some people are just jerks and will do whatever they want to. They think that cheating is their right, but in reality, karma will come up to them and bite them in the ass. Communication is key if there are issues in the relationship you need to talk and work it out.

If you have been cheated on, do not date until you can trust again. Also, don't date if you have any other issues. If you can't trust people, why are you dating? Also, the next person doesn't want to hear about what happened over and over again. The woman I was dating was in a poly relationship with me and a guy and she projected all her issues onto me and the guy. Honestly, it made me not want to date a woman again. I haven't dated a woman again since then because I just didn't want to deal with the same issues.

If you are the one that cheated don't date unless you can be faithful. If being faithful is an issue for you, do poly, open, or swinging. No one will look down on you for preventing more issues. Some people may judge you being unfaithful but everyone will judge you more for repeating that mistake. If there were problems in your relationship that made you cheat, then safeguard your next relationship from the same issues.

How does it work?
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Lena Bailey

Believe in the paranormal, learn to love each other and be kind. 

If you have any questions or comments email me, [email protected]

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