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Chapter 1:

Heartbreak vs. Love

By George DelgadoPublished 3 years ago 9 min read
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Excerpts from “The Modernization Of Love & Infidelity” By George Delgado

I’ve been in love and I've been hurt. I’ve also broken hearts, which in turn resulted in my own disappointments that eventually led to even more heartbreaks. Perhaps it was just karma giving me a taste of the pain I caused, or maybe the woman I was dating just had opposing intentions from my own.

What were my intentions though? The love and be loved ideals that I will constantly mention? To get married but eventually end in divorce because marriage is just a relationship with more to lose when love is lost? To have kids and raise them in separate households because being single parents is at an all time high in this generation?

I have yet to figure myself out but maybe those who continue to read on have the answers I don’t. Either way, I believe that heartbreak is an emotion we all need to experience. Hopefully you may never have to go through the pain that follows or maybe, like me, that’s all you know. If you do, it’ll be for the better if you let yourself heal and learn from those mistakes. It seems as if this generation fears the concept of falling in love for this very reason. Opening ones self emotionally, sincere communication, connecting with another person spiritually and having sex with pure intimacy rather than just physically going through the motion, are only pieces to what love actually entails. Bringing up this topic causes reluctancy amongst the very people who are unwilling to experience any of the phenomena I bring up.

Some even refuse to say the word “love” while others say it much to quickly. The weight behind saying the word when you don’t actually mean it is what causes confusion and heart ache. So using that perspective, I can understand why many stay closed off and refuse to fall in love. For someone to say “I love you” within days or weeks of meeting a person shows their lack of experience and chances are they haven’t truly gone through enough of a heartbreak.

Heartbreak is devastating and painful. When someone is heartbroken they enter a mental and sometimes physical state of vulnerability. They become easily influenced by outside forces and potential love interests with completely different intentions which could sometimes end in even more disappointment. This leaves those who are heartbroken to question themselves, the person who crushed them and their purpose in life as a whole. As I stated before, to some the whole meaning of life is to love and be loved while others view love as a lost cause that is only pursued by the weak and the hopeless.

When a person is heartbroken, their mind is flooded with questions that they crave the answers for. Questions with answers that would only hurt them even more. Do you really want to know why she cheated on you? Would knowing how many people he cheated with really make you feel any better? I used to say; “If you really want me to give up and leave you alone, just be honest with me... tell me if you’ve cheated on me. Only then will I stop fighting for this relationship.” I always assumed that knowing would make me feel better, that knowing could erase the tension I felt when praying that the worst hasn’t happened.

So when whatever higher power we believe in had created us, they made sure to instill a natural instinct that typically leads us into uncomfortable scenarios. This is called “curiosity” and it is a characteristic that causes us to become naive to some and untrusting towards others. With that being said, I was only then about to find out the pain following my curiosity could truly bring...

Although she did not come clean at first, my curiosity led to me being naive enough to believe her lies. For a time I believed and kept fighting for our long dead relationship but finally my intuition and persistent curiosity led me on to follow a rabbit hole that brought a painful truth to light. Once finding the answers I was looking for, I wished that I had never knew. It would take me years to finally accept the reality of it all. I was never loved and I should have loved myself enough to follow my intuition and leave the toxicity I had slowly adapted to.

A few examples of the questions we’ve all asked when trying to analyze our faults and where our relationship started to go wrong are:

Did he or she ever love me?

How many times has my significant other betrayed me?

Why wasn’t I good enough?

Will everyone else give up on me too?

We must not blame ourselves for things that are out of our control, but then again who else can we blame? When you’re so in love with the person whom you thought was perfect, you excuse them and their atrocious acts of infidelity or violence. Who else would be willing to love me the way he/she did? Well you, for one. You must love yourself enough to put a stop to the pain, a stop to the senseless tears and a stop to these unanswerable questions. The only one that should truly matter is; “When will I love myself enough to realize I deserve better?” And act upon it.

Being in a relationship may seem like a majestic ballad with the main purpose being to make the two or however many involved enjoy the dance of love. When you’re face to face with that one person capable of making you smile, you become cautious and overprotective of the relationship you developed with them; but keeping on the topic, love can be one of the most mind boggling feelings. This can cause an amplified curiosity that creates scenarios and insecurities we don’t want to believe at first but almost always end up doing so. Such as “why is she/he always on their phone? I bet they’re talking to their ex...” or “is he/she actually going to the bar with their friends until 7am the next morning or is something going on??” Even though a few scenarios may seem certain, sometimes you’d rather give them the benefit of the doubt because of the pain that follows when you’re in love and heartbroken. This is a reason why secrets exist.

Secrets are always going to be a huge factor in relationships, mainly because people hold certain events in their hearts or maybe they just don’t want anyone knowing who they truly are. I never understood why one would willingly keep a secret from the person they love until I found myself doing the same whenever I’d picture her tears.

Whatever the case maybe, low self esteem mixed with that curiosity puts most individuals in predicaments they don’t want to be in and don't truly understand. They end up torturing their own mentalities with the same questions and scenarios they always find themselves creating. When all is said and done, a suddenly powerful need to uncover the truth behind any potential secrets overwhelms them which results in distasteful acts that shows their lack of trust in order to find out the truth.

Let’s say you haven’t invaded your partners trust by going through their phone or by following them when they say they are going to a friend’s house, it’s important to pay attention to your partner. In order to find the answer(s) you are looking for, whether it be why he/she changed their demeanor or why he/she doesn’t look at you the same when you tell them you love them, I introduce another question that that initiates a whole series of issues we all face when trying to fulfill the “love and be loved” ideals:

Have you ever been with someone for so long that they became TOO comfortable with you? That lust and excitement you once had is now a prosaic hymn that’s cut a few lines too short. Yes? No? Okay well, let me explain what ”too comfortable” means before you decide that you have or haven't...

As an individual who has been on both sides of the fence, I can promise that we have all felt like this at least once in our lives. Let’s be honest with ourselves and recognize the fact that life eventually settles down; and all that “love” you think you had for the person who raised your child, who you said you couldn't live without or who gave you the excitement you once craved, was nothing but temporary lust. Or vice versa! Maybe you’re the one who is genuinely in love. Maybe you feel that your significant other loved you more when you were arguing/fighting with their old ex who wanted their place back? It doesn't always happen and heartbreak isn't always bound to happen, but regardless, you’ll all understand the main idea I brought up in some way or another.

So, I previously mentioned that I was also the same heartbroken guy with a cute college girlfriend who decided she was better off without me; which led to me to having drama with other love interests because of my distorted views on who a woman should be. Somewhere in between, I became that asshole who was never actually willing to love anyone who wasn’t my first love. And that’s why I’m here. Writing a book about Love, Infidelity and honestly, everything else in between. Remember... Both sides of the fence.

Allow me to enlighten those of you who don’t know how most of us on the opposite side of the battlefield feel after the war is won. Or maybe it was lost? Maybe that ex we fought with all of our might to prove our love were the ones who actually won? Maybe they won the fistfight or maybe they got that last **fuck** from “the love of our lives.” To be sure though, just read the room! Pay attention to your significant other’s body language when you speak, when you go in for a kiss, when you have sex. You may not notice it right away, but you’ll see it. Trust and believe that they’ll make sure that you see it...

Instead of being an adult and practicing proper communication, the battle evolves into mind-crushing warfare and the main tactic is manipulation. Only then will you realize that your real opponent wasn’t that jealous ex, it was the person who hid their visage behind a veil of beautiful lies and promises to love you wholeheartedly. They were the one who invited that ex into your home. The one who opened their legs for that “last” fuck. The one who made sure that each pump tore right through your trust and soul. So now, before you try to understand where you went wrong, answer this: were YOU actually the problem?

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