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Can a Relationship Survive

Lessons Learned After Cheating

By Sonja WillifordPublished 2 years ago 4 min read
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Can a Relationship Survive
Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

How can your relationship come back after cheating? It is not an easy process, but it can be done. It takes growth and compromises from both people. Of course, leaving the relationship is an option, but if that is not what the two off you genuinely want then work it out. People cheat for all varied reasons, and sometimes it takes almost losing the person you hurt to get the other person to realize. Sometimes, it is not worth the work, and the person never learns or just simply does not care.

So, what happens after someone cheats and you are there picking up the pieces? Well, as with death it is a grieving process. You are left angry and broken, so the first step is to fix yourself. Now, I do not mean fix yourself because you are the problem, because you are not. You need to allow yourself to be sad and angry. Step away from the situation and let the person know what they did was not ok. Move out if you live together if you can if you cannot leave physically then leave emotionally. Do not do the things you once did for that person. Make that person see the pain they caused you.

After you have started to heal, then you can except the invitation to reach out to the person if they have tried. Chances are if they have not tried to reach out to you, or you have not been just having casual no pressure conversations then the relationship is not worth trying to save. Once you can have conversations about everyday life and not about your pain, or relationship you can start to rebuild. You do not want to start the rebuilding with conversations about what happened or how you felt.

It is much harder to heal and rebuild when you are constantly still with the person, because you cannot move out. It helps when that person is barely ever home, but that is not always the case. With them not around it makes it easier to sit back and let them miss you, when they miss you, they will reach out just to say hi and tell you about their day. Even when the relationship is on the mend and things are going good keep your boundaries up and your plans to move out. Eventually, you will be able to bring up what happened, and how it made you feel. You will be able to bring up everything you need to say and set boundaries.

When the two of you have decided that you want to work on your relationship and restart this is when the work begins. You will question everything they do; you will question everyone they are talking to on the phone. To really make things work you must be open and honest with the person and tell them what is happening. Communication is always key in a relationship but once trust is broken it becomes the most important thing. If the person is serious about fixing the relationship so they do not stray again they will be open to communicate and respect your boundaries.

I am not a psychologist or therapist; however, I am a living example. This happened to me a couple of years ago, and everything I just wrote is what my partner and I have done. I still have my moments of mistrust, and my mind still wonders, but that is when I reach out to him. I tell him what is going on and why, and he truly hears me. He knows what triggers me and he communicates with me to prevent any anxiety I may have. Sometimes when his phone goes off in the middle of the night and wakes me up, I get the urge to look in it. I fight that feeling, I must trust him if I want us to work. If I am always becoming extremely angry and questioning everything, he, does it will push him away and ruin our relationship.

So again, I ask can a relationship come back after cheating? What do you think, hopefully this can help someone else?

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