Boundaries or Walls?

Boundaries are something that every human being needs. Whether you are in a relationship with someone or just simply friends, even family members need to have boundaries, as well as co-workers! Boundaries are healthy to have, especially if the other person does not respect things that you ask them to do. Often, we find ourselves giving from a reserve of leftovers because we allow others to drain us, and then that makes us ask the question: What are we doing wrong? If you are anything like me, you have been here before. The thing I want to discuss most today, though, is whether our boundaries are healthy or walling out the people that are supposed to be in our lives.

Oftentimes out of fear and/or past experiences, we suppress relationships that we are meant to have and keep relationships and friendships at arm's length. We struggle to discern whether they are something from the past or if our fears are illegitimate. Here is the thing, we will never know for sure if we are walling people out of fear or wisdom if we never take the leap of faith to risk being rejected by the one we love. You heard that correctly. We need to take risks in order to have healthy friendships and relationships, and I am not just talking to the choir here, I am talking to myself. You see, many times we have flashbacks and fears—and I am definitely not saying they are not a legitimate thing—however, when they become a consistent part of our life and we just end up isolated with no healthy relationships around us, something is up. We are not meant to do life alone, and that includes intimate relationships, too. Hey, I am talking to myself here because I used to be—and still sometimes am—the queen of independence. Fact is, we need relationships and friendships in our lives. People can help balance us and give us a shoulder to lay on when times get rough.

How can we know if we have healthy boundaries or if we are just walling people out, out of fear and past experiences? Let me briefly discuss healthy boundaries. Once we see what healthy boundaries are, we can very quickly discern what is not so healthy.

Healthy boundaries are when you know for a fact based on experiences with that particular person. When healthy boundaries exist, it is not based on fear of what the person COULD do, but based on what they HAVE done. It is wisdom because no one deserves to be treated incorrectly at all. We are all kings and queens, and others should help you keep your crown on when it is crooked, not tell you to take it off just because they fear how powerful you are.

Walling people out is just that. It is keeping people out based on fears that we have based on past experiences with other people, but not necessarily the person that you are dealing with in that very moment. It is when you think of every possible scenario this person COULD do and thinking it is a reality, so you wall them out instead of keeping them close.

When it comes to boundaries, we have to be as careful as there is such a fine line between the two of these. That is why it is important to know and practice healthy boundaries on a daily basis, so that when fear comes up, you can easily nip it in the bud and move past it like the resilient king or queen that you are! Nourish those friendships you do currently have and do not do life alone. Do not let the people in your life currently pay for the experiences that you have had with people in the past. Let the right people in and I promise you that you will not ever regret it.

Until next time, my beloveds, enjoy this adventure!