Black Women Are Not Emotional Punching Bags

Emotional abuse is hard to see. It cannot be shown through a scar like on a leg or covered up with a band-aid. It is a pain the abuser does not want the victim or anyone to know it exists. Emotional abuse makes a person fear love, friends, and life itself. It has its affect on the mind, body, and soul. No one can see it unless the person starts to act differently. My story with emotional abuse started as a child.

I was never good enough for those around me. Everyday it felt like I was doing something wrong. I used to walk on eggshells around certain people because it was nice not to hear how worthless I was that day. Of course, they never admitted to the emotional abuse as I was going through it. It was called constructive criticism. It did not feel constructive to me because I was constantly in my head about the words that were said. I was called weak, crazy, or bitter if I spoke up for myself. The abuse became so normal that I believed it was the way people were supposed to treat me.

My so-called friends always belittled me in front of people. They would demand all my attention and then get upset when I no longer had the energy to give them anymore. I was drained. Their manipulation and pain were the results of me not having to think for myself. I thought if I took this type of treatment then they would stay in my life. They never did. Instead they slept with my boyfriends, started rumors about me, and laughed at my pain. Again, I felt they were the ones who were better then me so I took the abuse. I was the victim when I no longer wanted to listen to how they spoke to me.

I knew deep down these people were hurting just as much as I was hurting. I was the only one who would listen. No one else in their right mind would allow people to say the hurtful things I endured. But they kept calling me to tell me how ugly I was, how no one would ever love me, and I would always be a loser. They laughed at my pain because it was finally someone on this Earth who felt as bad as they did. They would come to my social media accounts to publicly shame me through pictures, comments, and direct messages. I could not escape them. Once the weight of the world was placed on their shoulders they knew exactly who to come for in order to carry their burdens.

I was empathetic and emotionally mature because I had learned early on how to deal with my emotions. I coped with spirituality, learning from life lessons, and creating through my art. I did not put my pain and fears on the backs of people I loved because I knew it was too much to bear. So, I let them come into my life and use me as their emotional punching bags.

I no longer wanted to be there for people who did not have my true intentions at heart. I no longer wanted to take the punches of people who were hurt by other people. When they used me as their emotional punching bags it was because they knew I would take it. If they could not get a response out of other people then I was the perfect specimen for their rage. At first I would not fight because I did not want to add to their pain but now I do it with my words. I fight back with my mind because now they see their abuse in my abuse.

I learned to never allow anyone to mistreat me. To hurt me with mind-control, to use me to relieve their emotions, or manipulate me into believing I was nothing more than a teddy bear. I was more than what I had been through. I had to forgive those for using me to relieve their pain. It was the hardest process in my life but I lived through it. Since I lived through the pain, I realized I had a story to tell.