Belonging

Belonging.

We all seek to belong don't we?

Whether it's through sports, book clubs, politics, religion, and all of the other hundreds of little ways we try to form a connection. We try to fit in, group with others who think and feel as we do.

It likely goes back to cavemen times, when we grouped together to survive whatever predator was lurking. It was a matter of survival, and we have carried it with us throughout the ages, believing if we belong, we will survive.

All my life I have tried to fit in, to belong. I'm pretty adaptable, so even people I had nothing in common with I could actually relate to, all the while, on the inside, feeling like an imposter.

To be clear, I am not sad person, I'm typically joyful, happy, love to laugh and have fun whatever I am doing. Some days, though...

My son told me not so long ago, that I see things differently than most people. I suppose that is true.

I have mostly given up trying to belong. It is tiring, lonely, and only usually works for a short time before, fed up, I give up, and go back to my own little world.

And while most days I am grateful for me and my weirdness, some days, I still desire to belong.

The desire comes from wishes I suppose. A wish for someone to talk to about all the stuff I think about. From different dimensions to the way I can perceive energy, from my epiphanies to what it feels like to just BE. A desire to lead people to the same discoveries I have had, but what it looks like for them. A desire to surround myself with people who "get me".

"You are a drop in the ocean and the ocean simultaneously" -Dr. Dain Heer

That quote sticks with me some days. Today I am feeling like the drop. Alone, searching for connection, lonely. Instead of realizing, being the drop is being me, being the ocean is connecting to all energies and knowing I am never truly alone.

It may be a total misunderstanding of what he means by that, but today, it feels true for me. I am disconnected.

So what really IS belonging? Is it fitting in with others? Bonding over points of view you don't really have in order to be a part of something? Is belonging really as important as we believe it to be?

What if not belonging is where we can shine? What if embracing our weirdness is the path to greater connection? What if we could have no one else's point of view and be ok with not fitting in?

What if lonliness is a construct?

And we can just as easily NOT choose it?

What if all of the beautiful things in your head that you judge as weird are actually the things that make you, you?

What if being "alone" is a way to start connecting with all the energies?

What if "belonging" is limiting all of your magic?

These are the things in my head today. The beautiful bits of me that I decided to share here.

Writing them here has dissapated the cloud of lonliness I had chosen. And it had led me to gratitude for me. Gratitude for writing. Gratitude for this platform called Vocal. Gratitude for all of you.

I am the ocean after all.

Later, after writing this, I rediscovered who I be.

My being is not lonely. My being is connected to all the energies around me. My being can perceive lonely without buying it as mine.

(Written 4 months ago.)