Being Screwed Over Really Nails You
Processing is an ongoing progress
What is it about people screwing you over that makes you want to get revenge? What happens in the brain that causes the desire to cause harm or mayhem when you’ve been wronged? We know that two wrongs don’t make a right... so what is it?
Here’s the thing about being “diplomatic” with people, it means that sometimes you just have to let things slide. Mistreatment, wrong-doings, and being royally screwed over happens all the time unfortunately; there’s not always something we can do to prevent it. When it does happen, some people react, some retract, and some just let it slide. I’m one of those people that tries their best to just let certain things slide, because honestly, I do not have the time, energy, or fucks to give out to every silly battle. Also my silent treatment can be deadly. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m not passive. If the shit reeks I will speak out about it—but I pick my battles.
Today (October 9th), in the Jewish religion is the holiday of Yom Kippur. It’s basically reflection and judgement day, a day where you fast and take the time to just do some self-work. And at the end of it, God basically decides if you’re going to have a good or bad year. It’s like Santa’s “naughty or nice” list, but more spiritual and not commercial whatsoever.
So of course, leading up to today, and even today, I’ve been... tested. People be testing my patience, man. And boy has it been a challenge. Like—it’s been nuts.
Regardless of if I believe in God or not, I believe in karma and energy. If you send out bad vibes, you’ll get them back biting. But if you try your best to send out positivity and good energy, then the world can show you its beauty and joys.
Religion or faith or whatever, I believe that if you continuously try to be the best version of yourself, and help others be their best selves—then you’re good. I mean heck, we’re all just trying to make things better for ourselves and those around us. (Obviously this is a vague view and can be twisted when some people’s definition of what is “good” is very different and ends up harming others). Bottom line is, if we can strive be the best that we can be, while also helping others (not harming), then the world might look a lot better too.
Anyways, back to today and being screwed over—I feel like I was insulted and taken advantage of, and just generally somebody was being an ass to me, and in front of someone too. What did I do? I removed myself from the room. Did that help? Partially. Because for the last hour or so I’ve been turning the situation over and over in my head. Furthermore, a part of me just wanted to bitch about what happened to my partner, and just vent and say mean things. A part of me wanted revenge or to let the anger loose and wild. But today is reflection and judgement day; so I took a step back.
I assessed the situation, and thought “is this really worth it? Is this person like, really worth this?” I don’t like feeling this way, and this person isn’t going to change. I don’t have the energy or care to fight this battle because I know it’ll worsen the war. And so I started writing this.
Come full circle—what is it that makes us want revenge? What happens in our complex brain that wants justice but in a messy way? And what in my brain matured enough to say “Wait. Step back.” Because honestly, at the end of this, I feel calmer and more mature. I feel wiser and like I made the right decision. I wasn’t rash, I assessed and chose the path usually less traveled by.
This is my process and I feel more at peace, because you know what? I have no regrets. I didn’t do something stupid or reckless (that probably would have backfired anyways) instead I just took a breath and stepped back. And anyways, some people (most people) are just not worth it. They don’t deserve our time and energy, and they usually won’t change their thinking, even if we do or say something.
So for anyone who’s gotten royally fucked over, insulted, or somebody was a flat out ass to you, what did you do? Did you react, detract, or cha-cha-slide?