Being One with Your Other

As a wife to an amazing husband and mommy to the cutest little nine-month-old girl... I know life is hard. I have heard so many different circumstances and experiences that have made me reflect on my own life, this one about being married young.

I got married to my husband at the age of 19. Now, I know what most think, "What?! 19?! That's crazy! You've barely lived! And you're still in college?!" What I usually rush in to tell people after I tell them that is, "Don't worry, we didn't rush into it, we dated for over a year before we got married." Some people still think that being wed at the age of 19, no matter how long the period of courting was, is still too young. I used to think that as well, but then I met the love of my life. I knew that I was going to marry him just after a few shorts months of dating him, and found out later that he thought the same as well! And... to make it worse, he was my first boyfriend, so I had nothing to compare it to...

Now, you must be thinking, "If they knew from the beginning it was going to work, the courtship must have been super easy..." That, my dear reader, is far from the truth. Our courtship was a very hard and trying time of our lives. To keep the privacy of it, I will refer to certain topics as "insert problem."

After my husband and I had been dating for a couple months, "insert problem" came up into conversation. (I understand that not knowing what exactly the problem is makes it harder to know and understand the extent of the problem and heartache, but it will just have to do). Hearing about "insert problem" was probably one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. Trust was broken, and the relationship was very near an end. There were many nights where I would sit in the fetal position and cry on my kitchen floor. Luckily, I had an amazing roommate who had gone through the same "insert problem." She gave me lots of hope, peace, and counsel through this time.

One of the many things she said to me was, "During this time, you probably want to get out of the relationship and give up on everything... But I will tell you now, that is exactly the opposite of what you should do. You need to give all the love and support into this relationship as you can." That was exactly what we did, and believe me, it was one of the hardest things in my life.

One of the things that I found that helped was instead of looking at who my husband (boyfriend then) was and what he did, look at who he is and what he could become. And he did the same to me. This was probably the biggest tool and help that saved our relationship. I have heard so many couples tell me that their "insert problem" came along and they couldn't handle it and gave up. Now, sometimes this is the best option, but only after trying, really trying to fix the relationship. If it ends up being poisonous for both involved, then the relationship needs to end. But with my husband (boyfriend then) and myself, we wanted it to work.

To make it work, we made goals that we would set and then follow up the next week or whenever we set the goal. There would be awards and consequences depending on the outcome. We truly became "one" with this experience in our lives because we communicated between one another through everything. We chose to be open about everything and make goals together.

It still wasn't easy even after we accomplished this. We still have issues that come up, but we deal with them, together. We still openly talk and make time to talk to each other. I think one of the reasons that couples break up is because they never learn how to talk to one another. Communication is key. Next is learning about your partner. Learn everything you can, because they are your best friend. That is what I love about my relationship, we are best friends. And knowing that we have forever to keep learning about about one another and keep growing together. Yes we have other friends that we talk to and hang out with, but when push comes to shove there's no one else that we'd rather be with than each other. Keep in mind that other friends are needed, but your significant other needs to come first, and everything will turn out okay in the relationship, at least, that's what I have learned through my experiences.