Being Independent is Difficult

Oftentimes this is done in a manner that is not overt, but it is there, under the surface.

• Relationships with abusive partners that cause no physical pain but maintain control
• Fellow humans on Twitter who comment on your picture and make you feel two centimetres tall
• Parents who are unaware that focusing on what their child can't do is damaging.

The list could go on but the evidence is clear. We live in a world full of joy and wonder, whilst at the same time, there is fear and insecurity.

We are drawn into debates and changes of habit that do not suit us, yet we feel compelled. To change our mind is mostly an exercise in peer pressure, timing and insecurity. To be truly independent is a challenge and a tough one at that.

Worrying About What People Think

This is the primary problem with going your own way. We worry.

• We are afraid of what our neighbors will say if we re-design our house to not be in keeping with the village
• We worry that we are falling behind our friends
• We are scared that sticking to our instincts and doing what feels right will lose us, friends.

All of this is human. As basic as breathing or eating, we are insecure. All of us, from Dwayne Johnson to Ben Shelley (Me). We have our insecurities and what matters is how we mask or move beyond them.

Dwayne Johnson is a multi-millionaire yet he has struggled with depression.

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After watching his mother's attempted suicide he was lost and has encouraged others to do the same. An extreme example, yes, but on top of this, he was nearly fired from the WWE for a lack of connectivity with the audience during his Rocky Maivia years.

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Being Yourself

Google Rocky Maivia. It is the complete opposite of what you associate The Rock to be. Rocky had cornrows on his head, dressed as an African drummer, and was so Babyface it hurt. It was not him but rather than give up, he went his own way.

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Dwayne created The Rock and the rest is history. He rode to the top ranks of WWE and is now one of the highest-paid actors in Hollywood. Not bad for a cleaner-than-clean character that no one wanted to get behind.

Dwayne Johnson is successful and whilst the majority of us will never reach these heights, we can do what we wish. We can go our own way and do what we want to create a life worth remembering. We can take steps to be happy but the first step on this journey is to go it alone.

Following Your Own Path

All of this is not to say that you should live in Antarctica, surrounded by Penguins, as that would be a lie. It is to say that you should expect loss. Life is a journey, one with infinite possibilities, but if you live in the pockets of others, then you'll never find the best version of yourself.

To explain further, if you spend your time looking down, watching the lives of others through social media and the internet, then how will you become you? You will exist of course, yet by listening to others, you become a product of their views and values, when what you should be doing is discovering your own.

This is not to say that you should sack all of your friends. It is to say that we should have a line in the sand. An invisible divider that we administer and choose who we keep along with us on the journey and who gets left behind.

Line in the Sand

I believe in equality and working together to create solutions for all. You may believe that one part of society deserves to be treated equally and for that, you can sit on the other side of the line. My neighbour, however, does believe in equality and therefore she is able to stay on my side of the line.

This is how simple life should be.

We bring along with us those who enrich our lives and leave those who are a detriment behind. Not to say that they are evil, they simply do not fit like the worn-down jigsaw piece. They will not change and with each year that passes, you will receive less and less time. To invest in trying to change someone will most likely be a fruitless mission.

A line in the sand and confidence to go our own way is the best way to be independent. To remove ourselves from negativity and have the confidence to say no, I'm walking this way and you can go your way.

This is how we move forward and find the best version of ourselves.

Being Alone

Is hard. As an only child, I have a head start. Much of my childhood was spent alone, playing cricket or table tennis alone and inventing games to play with just me.

Don't get me wrong, I had friends but was never popular at school. I was on the outside looking in, yearning for someone to see me and adopt me into their group. It was lonely as a teenager but I learned to front the whole experience.

Now aged 32 I am entirely happy with my own company. This is not to say that I live alone, as I do not. I love my life in London with my wife, alongside our cat and friends. I have found what I was looking for and all it took was drawing a line in the sand and being prepared to remove that which no longer fit.

A Final Thought

Being independent is tough. We all have our insecurities and want to fit in. We don't want to be the only person on the tube wearing a mask but by doing so, you learn that being the odd one out doesn't really matter.

Those who have similar views and values will find you and bring you into their tribe. Aligning values and creating a new paradigm. Being independent does not mean that you are alone. It means that you have found who you are, what you are happy with, and what you will not compromise on.

I am independent but it takes years to figure out. People are always going to judge and most of the time it's not in a spiteful manner, it is simply because that is the reality of how life is. We judge and are judged. All that matters is where you draw the line.