Bad poly friend

So I have to say this before I tell my story I am not naming names and I'm not giving the people involved fake names, I can't get sued that way. Also names are not important. I am telling this story not to harm the parties involved but to help others and to call out this behavior. I have told part of this story before but I wanted to tell the full story now. For legal reasons I have to say this story is true but it is also told to the best of my knowledge and memory. Let's get to the story.

This story begins a few years ago. I had been in the BDSM world for a while at this point and had been on a popular BDSM website for a few months. I was interested in the idea of being poly so I was looking for poly people to be friends with or possibly be in a relationship with. I messaged this guy with 2 girlfriends because I was curious about how this worked. I think that I asked about how his poly relationship worked. At some point we agreed to meet up at a restaurant nearby. At this point I felt like he wasn't interested to adding a girlfriend to his life just another play thing or friend. I wasn't interested in being a play buddy or play thing at this point but I didn't mind being his friend.

After the first meeting we remained friends and to the best of my memory or knowledge he still wanted to play but he wasn't that forceful with it. It is worth noting that when we first met I was single so if we were going to play or enter into a relationship this would have been the time to do so. I was looking for a real relationship (poly or otherwise) and just didn't find one until later. When I was single he wasn't really too worried about meeting up with me, he just had the vibe of it will happen when it happened. It is also worth pointing out that I was a virgin at this point as well.

So I don't remember the first relationship I got into after I met this guy but I remember when I did get into a relationship with a disaster of couple it seemed he was more interested in meeting up with me again. I couldn't because of the couple's rules for me. After a couple of months I ended the relationship with the couple. I did keep in touch with my guy friend. To the best of my memory he wasn't too worried about meeting up with me during my single time nor was it that bad in my next relationship. I did see him after the relationship I do believe. So it wasn't until I got into my next relationship that I really noticed that he was wanting to meet up and possibly play with me. This relationship was my last relationship before my most recent relationship.

We met up once during one of my relationship and the whole time we hung out he was trying to convince me to do stuff with him. I think I did give in briefly but felt guilty and stopped it ASAP. I will not defend what I did, I was a girl who had a boyfriend who played with someone else. I never told my boyfriend about this because I didn't want to hurt him. After that we didn't meet up for a while.

This part of the story was more recent. I met my most recent on again/ off again guy and for a while my guy friend was respectful. Then me and my guy started having disagreements and other issues then it started, the guy friend started wanting to hang out which is fine but I was careful. When I was off with the boyfriend the guy friend and I hung out, we did end up sleeping together. The guy friend and I kept hanging out, he also wanted sex.

So when me and the boyfriend were trying to work it out the guy friend admitted he kept wanting to meet up with me and have sex. I told him no and I asked him if he wanted to get me in trouble with the boyfriend, he admitted that he did. Who the hell admits to that even as a joke? At this point he was married and the girlfriend he didn't marry broke up with him.

The fact that I slept with someone even on the break was a tough blow to the relationship with the boyfriend. I confronted the guy friend about it. I then blocked him on everything because he was pulling the innocent "who me?" bullshit act. Then of course here comes the wife making me the bad guy and saying I forced her to get involved (bullshit, she did that on her own).

What you need to know about the guy friend's marriage was that it was an open one. Apparently he told his wife a fake version of what happened so he wouldn't get in trouble with her. He also told her that my boyfriend was abusing me and all of this other fake stuff to make me and the boyfriend look bad. I blocked her after she contacting me saying that I was the reason she needed to get involved. She also told me some of what he told her. I had enough with them. I understand not wanting to get in trouble with a spouse and trying to make yourself look better but if you can't man up and admit wrong doing don't be in a relationship.

Now to my theories and thoughts. I am very aware I shouldn't have been in this friendship for as long as I was. I am also aware that I was in the wrong for playing with my friend while in a monogamous relationship. I can at least admit to my short comings but sadly this friend wouldn't. That is my main problem with this former friend was that he doesn't see what he did was wrong. I believe this guy is dangerous and I also believe that he will end up getting in trouble with someone. I'm surprised that the friend hasn't gotten his ass kicked at the very least.

When it comes to his ex girlfriend during the friendship I was on tinder to find a girlfriend (my boyfriend at the time allowed that) and I found the friend's ex girlfriend on there. I swiped left because I heard from him that she broke up with them and never gave them a reason. Now I wonder what really happened. Did he force her to do something she didn't want to do? Was it simply that he was engaged and she wanted that one day for herself? I was so curious and I'm still kind of curious as to what really happened. I tried to find her to reach out to her to see what happened.

I don't understand how anyone thinks it is OK to actively try to get someone you are friends with in trouble with their partner. I also don't know how anyone would want to get a friend to cheat on their partner. That is not how to be a friend at all. Also if a friend tells you about their relationship problems you shouldn't tell anyone not even your spouse, especially if it is someone your friend doesn't know. I have never met his wife so it was weird that he would tell her my issues, that was such an invasion of privacy and makes me not trust him.

I truly believe there was something wrong with him. It may have been that he was simply wanting to cause chaos. There is no other logical reason I can think of right now for why he would do this. There are some people that just want to cause chaos, drama and problems for others, basically they want to see the world burn around them. That also explains why he would make me look like the bad guy to his wife because he wanted her to stay in the dark.

I hoped this story helps someone. To the guy friend in this post if you are reading this fuck yourself on the way to hell. To his wife you can do better girl. Also to the guy's ex girlfriend, good for you for getting out message me we can talk.