Are You Negative or Realistic? Things to Know When Talking to Your Partner

Talking to a Negative Nancy about love is probably one of the worst things that can happen in your life.

Imagine spending about 30 minutes of your time hearing about how long-distance relationships don’t work out or how love is only for lonely people. It’s clear that these people have had it rough in the love department, and you can’t help but sympathize.

But let’s admit it — it’s draining to talk to them.

No one wants to be friends with a pessimist, much less become romantically involved with one. Who knows, you too might have possibly been a Gloomy Gus to your partner.

Everyone has their bad days and it can get the best of most people. But when life isn’t treating you very well, you might possibly be carrying over that negative energy to your relationships.

How to Avoid Being Negative in Relationships

Everyone has experienced being a Gloomy Gus at least once in their life. No sane person would brag about it though, because they’re bound to drive away the people they care about. (Unless that was their aim from the beginning)

Negativity in a relationship can manifest in many forms:

• Not being happy for your partner
• Criticizing your partner about the things they like
• Complaining too much
• Talking about depressing topics
• Always bringing up your problems
• Not celebrating your partner’s accomplishments

If you’re interested in keeping the relationships, you have to avoid doing the things that were listed. Otherwise, you’ll end up changing your relationship status on Facebook from “in a relationship” to “single”.

Changing Your Negative Mindset

Though there’s no surefire way to get rid of negativity in a relationship, that doesn’t mean it can’t be managed either.

Before your arguments can escalate into full-blown fights, you have to get to the bottom of your problem. This is the best time to ask yourself, “was it something I said or did?” If so, then you need to fix that asap.

To start off, you have to carefully choose your words when talking to your partner. If you say something insensitive, your partner is bound to be bothered and distressed.

You have to think before you speak and not let your mouth get ahead of you. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself falling out with your partner. Not only will you drive them away, but you’ll also make them lose their love for you.

The next thing that you have to do is block external negative influences in your life. In layman's terms, the negative people in your life. These can range from your co-workers to your family.

These people will only enable you to think negatively and ruin your mental health. If you want to get a move on in your life and focus on your partner, it’s best that you distance yourself from them.

The next thing you do is change your mindset. Change your attitude and how you approach things in life.

Be as real as you can. Don't decide between looking at a glass-half-empty or half-full. Look at it for how it is: half-empty AND half-full.

The lines between realistic and negative thinking can sometimes overlap with each other, but there will always be a clear difference.

Being realistic means you acknowledge the negatives as well, not only the positives. You have to take things for their entirety — you don’t just cherry-pick the parts you want to see to fit your narrative.

Breaking Down Tragic Life Events

As you grow into a relationship, you’ll start to have serious conversations about family, work, and life experiences — topics that can leave a lasting impression on anyone. However, this also means there is a possibility you’ll be leaving a negative impression. You have to find the right balance.

There’s something called the “Hamburger Method.” It’s most often used in giving criticism, but it can be applied to conversations as well.

Let’s say you are currently facing a tragic life event and you are trying to break the news to your partner. You start the conversation on a light note, you slowly drop the bomb, you tell your partner how you are faring, and you end the conversation with a more lighthearted topic.

This is not guaranteed to always work, but it's a good way to lay the news down easily to your partner.

Open Up to Your Partner

If you think your problem is getting too out of hand, talk to your partner.

They will very much appreciate you opening up about your inner demons instead of leaving them in the dark. You don’t always have to deal with your problems alone, you can rely on your significant other for emotional support.

Even if you don’t tell them, they are bound to notice if something is bothering you and will ask you about it.

Before it can get any worse, you have to come clean to them. Maybe you can even go to a therapist and seek help. Do whatever it is you need to do to help you improve yourself.

The path to self-development is a rough one, and the change isn’t always instantaneous. You have to start off with baby steps before you can get around to seeing significant changes.

Eventually, you will get to the point where you can freely talk to your partner without worrying you might say something wrong.

Is a relationship free of negativity possible?

As nice as it is to live your life free of negativity, it’s impossible. But it would be really ideal.

If you think your negativity is building up too much, maybe you need a break. Go on a vacation.

Imagine you and your partner just chilling at the beach without so much of a care in the world. Sounds like an ideal getaway doesn’t it? You get to bask in the glory of watching the sun go down before you go back to your daily routines.

It might be exactly what you need to clear your thoughts. Though a relationship without negativity is impossible, it’s still a goal worth chasing. Don’t you agree?