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Are You In There?

An Apology To Little Ol’ Me

By Momma AnnPublished 3 years ago 4 min read
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Are You In There?
Photo by Soragrit Wongsa on Unsplash

Before you read this letter I wrote to me by me, I want you to know that it took a lot of courage to address my pain. I may be notorious to some but I have Been made a new. Nobody can say they know me, for I have changed and you only know of me. I can not be classified with old behaviors and “norms” so I had to allow this to happen with my internal feelings as well. In doing so I have found myself the most insecure I’ve ever been in my adult life. Ironically in that the security that I’m establishing will be one that cannot be wavered and will be strong for lineages to come. I feel confident in myself in ways I never thought I would (I have to praise and affirm myself daily in order to do so, but the point is the feeling.... the security is there). I had to turn inward and really sit with little ol’ me and ask her some very hard questions. Here is part of my apology.

I share these intimate parts of me to be the handyman of change. I hope my stories help others see that the pain and suffering is all apart of the plan. No matter where you are in life or your spiritual journey, remember that it was no way around it. Also, be mindful of the language you use when talking about yourself. This shapes your perception which as a result shapes your reality. Your biggest supporter, critic, lover and more is you! Be kind to yourself, love yourself genuinely and don't give a care in the world about what “they” think. Only person who matters is you for all that is good for you and to you will naturally come when you are all of these things to yourself. Be patient healing takes time as so does change.

YOU ARE BIGGER THAN YOU THINK!

To the little girl who cries inside of me, let me let you in on a short story......

I have neglected you because the very beings who were proved to me to protect me, neglected me. I have learned to starve you of attention and love due to the physical limitations that have been placed upon me. My genetic makeup also plays a part for generations before the both of us have been cursed with these burdens as well. I am here today to tell you that I am sorry and ask you for forgiveness in my selfishness. I am sorry for neglecting you, not loving you, for abandoning you when you needed me the most and most importantly not forgiving you. I am sorry for blaming you when you did the best you knew now with all you had. I want to tell you that I love you. You are smart in an unconventional way, you are witty In all the right ways and you are so kind hearted it will make the coldest person cry. You are sweet and tender to the most harsh and hard going individuals placed upon this earth. You are the bridge to the change you wish to see happen in this lifetime. I have placed doubts upon you, I have called you names and I have made you so small I had to ask are you still there. For these things I also come to apologize for these stipulations I have entered you into were unfair and unjust. I want you to know that I am learning. I am willing to put the work in to heal the wounds that have been transmitted to you and also the ones that were self inflicted. I am willing to change the way I speak to you and about you. I am willing to love you again. For once I allow these changes to happen I will be free from the chains and the generational curses will be broken. I am not perfect but willing to perfect myself each and every day in all ways possible. I allow love to flow through me as a ending result it will flow out of me. I allow my anger to be released, by suppressing it only stresses you out. I will be gentle on myself so you in terms can be strong. Allow my cries for forgiveness to reach your heart as I am truly sorry and wish for your forgiveness. I love you and you are beautiful. No matter what the world may think of you, you are created in Gods image. For whoever sees fault in you it’s only because they see fault within themselves. You were made eloquently and never bow you head to that. Remain so strong that you allow yourself to feel your feels. To the little girl who I abandoned so long ago, I am here to rescue you and put an end to your infinite amount of tears. You’ll never be left out in the cold again, and that’s a promise I’ll constantly work to uphold.

I love you

-Momma Ann

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About the Creator

Momma Ann

Raw, Unfiltered and Eloquently made.

I am the wilted rose that grew into a sunflower.

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Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

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  1. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

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    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

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