Apartment 413

When life throws you into a job where you are entirely alone and not only alone but starting in a new city, what do you do? I'll tell ya, you take it apologetically by the balls. New life, new city living, but you must evolve and grow with the experience. Become the person you envisioned yourself to be when you accepted the job.

This is where my journey began. I had graduated with a bachelors in business, I had waited four years to move out just to afford a degree and a place to live at the same time. All the while I bounced around from job to job. First at a car dealership, then a gym, then a restaurant, then landed at a school. But none of these jobs were jobs I wanted to grow in, they were all sort of stepping stones and experiences to help me grow personally, and along the way I made many connections. As I now come to my 26th year of life I finally decided to take the leap and move. Nearly only five months after graduation I decided to jump out of my comfort zone and move three hours away from my family and my hometown. Has it been hard? Yes, but do I feel happy, yes in fact I really do. Once Chris is here I think everything will be great and I will feel at peace and at home. I feel a little lonely right now, but I think once he gets here too it'll be great. He is my biggest love story yet.

The reason for the blog you ask? Well, in all the greatness of the new job, new city move there also came a down side to the new-ness. The con about the new job, even though I greatly appreciate it, is that it is the longest eight hour drag of my life. The good thing about it is that my boss is a bad-ass (so far) and lets me jam out and have friends come hang with me for a bit if i get lonely. Only problem with that is my friends are too far and are not down to hang during work. But back to the drag, work goes by so slow because I am completely alone in the office with nobody to talk to and nothing to really keep me busy, hence the blog. I can really let all my emotions out onto this blog and really have someone listen and maybe even relate a little. I will probably be weekly editing and publishing on Thursdays.

So first i'm going to start by introducing who I am. My name is Melanie Guajardo and I am 25 years old, going on 26 this November. How has life been? Well my life has unintentionally been a roller coaster. Although, with good music any roller coaster becomes fun. My life as a young girl was just that of a normal girl growing surrounded by love and laughter, enjoying my childhood. As I transitioned into teenage years I became more stubborn and found a voice i felt I had to use all the time. That voice stemmed from anger. Anger towards my parents for fighting all the time at night while I was trying to sleep. Anger towards myself for bottling up my emotions and never truly letting anyone in. Anger from being the older sibling and having more responsibilities than HIM. Yes, that's right I am the oldest of four siblings and they're ALL annoying boys, but I love them to death. Anyway, back to my sob story. My next in kin is my brother Irvin that is only three years away from me, and all the time as we grew up I was always the one in charge and the one responsible for everything. AND, when it came to going out, don't even get me started, because he was a boy he had more freedom than me, yet, I was the one with more responsibilities? Talk about a funny teen aged phase. I was always being too tough to handle, girl walking around with an attitude problem, but with the biggest, caring heart possible.

Later on in life, my other two brothers were born. 2006, first came James, January 31st and then three years later on what must have been a bipolar February 8th, RJ my youngest sibling. When people say this generation is "something else," that's because they ARE something else. My brothers are polar opposites but things they share in common are the desire to game 24/7 and watch YouTube videos. I mean it's quite literally insane. James is very quiet and reserved and keeps to himself more often than not. You really have to pry into him to get any information out, or to even get him to talk. RJ on the other hand is a loose cannon. There is no way to put a lid on his enthusiasm or energy any day. Unless it's a long physically exhausting day, he will be going, going and going from morning to night. The reason why I say RJ was born on the most bipolar day of February is because he is an emotional drama King, with a capitol K. He can be having a swell day and finish laughing with his friend but do something upsetting and hes a little bomb and will explode on anybody. Or if a bug pops out of nowhere he will cower in fear almost immediately and it is hilarious. Can't you tell that even though he purposefully sarcastically replies to me and annoys me, I love his ridiculous self. Correction, I love them both and I sobbed like a baby when I left them because being the oldest I would help my mom and take care of them after my dad left. Which is what were getting to.

After being a dramatic teenager, more siblings coming into the picture, next is starting college. I go a little crazy and somehow convince my parents to let me go to a San Antonio school and live temporarily with a boy that tells me its easy to transport myself to school with buses, should've been my first red flag. So I move, I settle into San Antonio with this boy that is now my college freshman year boyfriend. Zach is great on paper but actions speak louder than words even will. Turns out there's no bus routes near his home that can take me to school. So now we have to rearrange our whole schedules to get me to class first thing in the mornings. His job is going great but he has recently started smoking weed again!? How did I not see this coming or know he must have been lying. Did I really even know him before moving in? Well at nineteen nobody should be taking big responsibilities like living with someone and blindly trusting them. But, none the less I am curious and fall into the temptation. The bad habit makes him lose his job, now he's depressed and hes crashed the car. I no longer feel welcome at his home. Thankfully, I have a cousin in the same city that allows me to live with her until I leave beck home to McAllen at the end of the semester. Things are good again expect I am now going home come December. Zach gets further depressed while I am just trying to reach due dates, and sustain myself. Come December I pack up my things, say goodbye and leave the city for home. I didn't mean to drag any baggage back home with me, but Zach couldn't last any longer alone and within a couple of months of me being gone he cheats. After the whole year spent struggling with him and brought down by his emotions I was almost relieved to be done. I expected more but was not surprised by his actions.

I am now 21 years old and I no longer am in a relationship and I am thriving making connections back home. I now have a job, a license and a vehicle that is reliable. Life is going great as far as a young adults life could be. I haven't been single long and I'm already connecting with this guy named Christopher. He's sweet, and fun to hang out with. Christopher is very family oriented I begin to realize he's kind of a mamma's boy, but nothing I can't shake. I am about to go back into college again finally after skipping two semesters. Chris kind of encourages me every time we talk, he makes me want to be a better person. He reminds me of who I was before being with someone who was so toxic to me and aided the beginning of bad habits for me. I had kind of given up on my will to do school and gained this "I could care less" kind of attitude towards everything, including my job. Being a good influence, Chris helps me apply for school again. Along the way of me getting back to school and continuing to work Chris and I become closer. He likes me because I'm smart, I apparently have a sense of humor he enjoys, and I am humble. We click so well, like two adjacent pieces of the puzzle that fit perfectly together. We start dating three months after we meet.

A year has gone by and now I am 22 years old. The most tragic event in my life is about to happen and send me into emotional turmoil. My dad leaves, its a gradual event but the main event happens over night. He took his sweet time showing all the signs of neglect towards his family. Staying out later and later everyday, drinking on the regular (which was by no means regular), until one night that he and my mom cannot fight no more I go and try to talk to him. He drops the biggest heaviest dump of baggage on my shoulders a child isn't supposed to bear. He is cheating on my mom and I cannot tell her myself, but I cannot hold it in for long. She becomes more and more suspicious while emotionally I am so unstable. Till the night that she found him and shit quite literally "went ballistic." After that night he left never to return or be a father to us ever again. What he chose to do with his life after us was entirely on his own from that moment forwards, because although my brother and I were already grown young adults we no longer wish to be part of his life. Chris is with me through it all.

For the coming years I suffer from a broken heart like no other. Never would I assume that a father of 21 years would walk out on us and change so drastically that I feel like he is now a stranger. It's sad really, but it is my new reality and I try to stay composed and strong for my smaller brothers and my mother who's life he shattered. Battered and broken we become whole again even stronger than we have ever been as a family. Things have changed but we all changed and adapted as well. Things are looking up again, I am now in a new, better job, my mom is thriving in work, and I am in a relationship that I continue to grow in.

It is the year 2019 and I am now 24 years old and my brother is about to have a baby. What a shock we took with that news, a baby at 22 years of age. But what comes after shocking revelation of a baby? Happiness because what is more a blessing than a beautiful healthy baby. I am now an aunt and I am turning 25 in a week, AND I'm about to graduate. Life has been a journey but I have been slowly hitting my goals as I go. I couldn't possibly be prouder of myself, I am getting shit done. Emmitt is the greatest graduation present from my brother to me since he had to move to Florida with his rich baby mamma.

December brings, graduation, virus, and decisions. What do I want to do after I walk across that stage and receive my diploma? Where will life go from here? What job should I look for? Should I finish working this school year in my current job? Will me and Chris last forever? When are we making the "big move" out of The Valley? What is corona-virus and why is it so bad? All these questions come with the end of the year and with my graduation. Life becomes so real in my head that things begin to shift somehow, in the most unnoticeable way but none the less very impact decisions need to be made.

Lord and behold we fast forward through the whole beginning of 2020, I am still working with the school but it is now March and corona-virus has become a local threat now and schools are shutting down. Things are feeling a little crazy, but such is life with it's ups and downs. Somehow, everyone in my family remains employed and we are surviving the virus fairly well. But with quarantine comes anxiety, and life decisions anxiety. Remember that "leap of faith" I started with? So some friends of mine fill me in that their lease is ending and they want to look at a house, among so many other things this is the first time I feel excited at an opportunity. I take it and suggest my boyfriend and I help them with rent and move. Is it crazy and impulsive? Yes, but it is a necessary change and a job just popped into my path. Coincidence? I think not. I was put in these paths and opportunities for a reason and I was going to take it.

Fast forward to now, I have been living in San Antonio for four days now, it is my third day at work and it's almost Friday. I have an office all to myself and I listen to music all day and keep up with things that need attending, then spend the rest of my day doing whatever I want. To land a job like this as a legal assistant when it was direly needed, and in the middle of a pandemic, I could say I was VERY blessed. It's busy outside so I don't feel totally helpless, but gosh is this office big and empty. Hence the start of a new blog. Now I know blogs tend to be short and to the point, but as it is my first well I thought you guys needed background to understand me better. This Friday we get the keys to our new apartment and I can't wait to start writing to you, my beautiful souls from the other side of this computer and fill you in on my days in this new adventure. Where we go from here, well i'll just have to fill you in on my second blog.