Always the Odd Girl Out

Social awkwardness.

I’ve had to deal with it all my life. I’m sure many of you know how it feels—feeling uneasy around people you like because you don’t want to say or do the wrong thing.

And then, when you don’t hear from them instantly afterward, you worry they might not like you anymore.

It’s gotten easier as I’ve gotten older, but even with groups of friends, I’ve more than not always felt like the odd girl out.

Example One: High School

Although I was homeschooled from 7th through 12th grade, my program had an onsite school (which actually looked a lot like this one) we could go to twice a week, three times if we wanted to do the Friday fundays, which were fun class not required, but let you be creative.

Well, I was a part of a couple of friend groups (for the first time in school, mind you), and I felt like an outsider. Now, I’m not saying they weren’t accepting because that’s not the case.

They welcomed me and my quirks; I’ll always consider them friends. Some of them were even at my sweet sixteen.

The problem was these people had known each other for years, and when I joined in, I couldn’t help but feel outside of the bubble.

And not having the best luck with socializing, I wasn’t able to break through the bubble and dive in.

I am getting better at it as I seek out new friends; although I’m still quiet at first, I doubt that will truly go away.

Example Two: The Third Wheel

Now, I’m sure everyone has felt this one, you know, when a best friend starts dating someone, and you’re still single. And then they start bringing them when you’re supposed to be hanging out with your friend.

Well, this happened to me.

One of my best friends began dating this guy while we were still in high school, and I felt like an afterthought. When I was invited to do things with them, I was definitely the third wheel.

Let me tell you, it doesn’t feel good.

It’s like you’re intruding on a date even though it isn’t, and you aren’t.

The real kicker was when I had my first boyfriend, and I couldn’t even show him off to her for the few months we were together.

The funny thing is, I didn’t feel this way about her first boyfriend. I always felt like part of the group, and he was fun, cool, outgoing, and not just there, if you know what I mean.

She and that guy were together for seven years before she came to her senses and dumped his ass.

Now, she has a new man (who she’d known for years) who treats her right and encourages her to have a life outside of him.

Example Three: Family Gatherings

Now, this one is a bit different since I don’t go to many of these. But often, when I do, I feel out of place.

This isn’t fun, either, but for different reasons. First, I have different interests and values from my stepfamily, which are so opposite there really isn’t a middle ground.

Not to mention, our views about situations are not the same, often leaving me irritated. So, I tend to keep quiet and focus on something else, like the TV or my phone.

I don’t see or have much in common with my extended blood relatives either, the ones who live in Washington State like myself anyway. But at least I feel like an actual member.

Will it Ever Change?

While I still have my issues to work through, now that I have my new gamer friends, thanks to my partner, and am talking with my best friend again, I believe it has already started to change.

Even if I don’t chat with them for long stretches, I know they’ll be there when I need them.

I can only hope for that change to take root.

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