I have always been a huge fan of love ever since I was a little girl. Finding somebody to spend the rest of my life with was a number one priority to me. I always believed in the "older," "traditional," marriage where the woman stays home and cooks for the family. I always felt like I had a lot going for me, I could cook, clean, do school work, take care of others, and if I needed to, I could defend myself. I saw myself as semi-attractive, athletic, smart, and an all-around confident girl. With all of that I felt like somebody would love me, and if somebody had left me then I could pull in somebody else, and that's exactly what I did.
It all started in high school, I finally got to date the guy I always had a crush on, Dill. Dill and I had grown up together and spent lots of time together just being friends. He was just like me, but a guy version. We had so much in common, so for us to start dating in high school nobody was shocked because it was expected to happen sooner or later. Everybody knew Dill as the jock scholar who could get anybody with his dashing good looks and that smile. Everybody also knew him as the cheater, and not going to lie but so did I, but, like I said, MMM that smile. We dated for about two years and they were great while they lasted but the year after that damn... the heartbreak my little 16-year-old heart felt was almost unbearable. That was the first time I found out that I wasn't the shit. That was the first time I found out that I was replaceable. But I couldn't be mad because the mistress was amazing; she was beautiful, smarter, and more athletic and probably just made him happier, which again I couldn't be mad at.
Then I started dating again... like a couple weeks later. I didn't let my heart fix, I jumped into the next relationship because I wanted to make Dill jealous. What can I say, I was childish and, "in love." When Gary and I started dating he was in love with my body and how popular I was in school. I was like his trophy girlfriend which I was okay with at the time. He proudly showed me off to his friends and his family, I was flattered. Then I graduated. We had gone separate ways and we decided to keep the relationship going but that was THE WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE. He "loved," me for a couple of years, enough to try and make me his wife, but we were just kids. We had no idea what came with marriage. We only saw what we saw on tv and in movies. We didn't see all the arguments, financial struggles, and family decisions. Again, he didn't have his eyes only on me, he had his eyes on the bug-eyed flamingo, the one girl that I could not stand. As you can tell I was more angered than heartbroken. Time went on and I began to forget him, but all of a sudden he decides, "Oh my god I miss you. You were my everything. I made a huge mistake." But I was done, I checked out cause it was easy to forget.
After my two failed relationships with my "forevers," I decided to take time to myself and work on loving me. I had started finally filling into my woman body. I grew boobs at the age of 19; I went from an A Cup to a C Cup. I learned how to contour and highlight, draw on my eyebrows and eyeliner, and put on some eyelashes and lipstick. My hair grew down to my butt... and oh don't get me started on my butt. It went from a butt to a booty. At that point in my life, I finally felt like I loved who I was. I was an F-List "Instagram star" with a whopping 7,000 followers.
With soooo many followers my Direct Messages were flooded with guys wanting to talk to me and take me on dates. It made me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth... then he came.
(To be continued...)