A Viewpoint of Personal Current Events

I had written an article for Vocal titled "Why Can't People Be Kind" (The Case of the Broken Bicycles) in regards to people (like me) who have helped others only to be taken advantage of and forgotten. When you're a person with compassion (like me) it's very difficult to see other people who are less fortunate and not want to help. I've often reached into my purse or pocket to give pan handlers a donation. I've often shared food or a ride if I could to someone who didn't have that and needed it. After you hear people mocking you and calling you a fool for doing so, and after you've hit rock bottom and seen so very few people willing to do what you had done in the past, you discover within yourself the will to say "No more. I've shared enough." It happened today. We stopped at a convenient store. I was outside smoking a cigarette. A pan handler asked me for some change. I dug into my purse and gave him some change. I felt bad that I couldn't help this homeless pan handler more than that. Later we stopped at the pharmacy to pick up our prescriptions. My doctors want me to take Abilify to tame down my Bipolar symptoms. I showed them my insurance card and they said that the $700 medicine would cost me $20 with my insurance. I already pay $200 per month for the insurance. I declined to buy the medication. Then I sat in the car a little upset thinking about homeless people and how annoying it is that I feel guilty that I can't help them, when I still can barely afford to help myself. Yet the irony is that it usually is the poor who are willing to help the poor. The rich are rich because they have no problem saying "Buzz off creep," when they are approached for help.

The bike situation was more than just people using or abusing other people. It was symbolic of the irresponsibility and ingratitude that some people feel towards those with compassion. I am writing this follow up story because a friend of the friend who damaged the bike compensated my husband (with cash) for the damaged bike equating to about $50. The friend who came up with the compensation money really didn't owe it. It really wasn't his debt. He didn't damage the bike. However, he did say that he would pay for it when his friend who damaged the bike shrugged it off like "Oh well." So maybe people can't be kind all the time, but there are some people who will live up to a verbal agreement. In that gesture, there is some hope for people.

I may not show my compassion with money anymore after having learned the hard way that money comes to slow to be too generous about. However, that doesn't mean that I lack compassion. As for kindness, it's a very ambiguous word. A dog who is happy and loved can be a very kind dog; but a dog who is wounded and mistreated will bite your leg off. I'm so tired of being made to look stupid. I'm so tired of hanging out with "don't haves" only to discover every single day that the reason I'm not a "have" is because all I seem to have is heart.

As for people using the words justice and deserve, I think those are very dangerous words to use. Not because they are ambiguous, but because they are so elusive if you're truly honest with yourself that just the mere mention of justice or deserving can really anger people who haven't seen them in so long that they don't even want to hear about it. It's like I tell my Christian friends when they like to quote the Bible "Turn the other cheek". This line isn't in the Bible, but it should be. "You only have two cheeks."