A view on marriage

I got married in January of 2013. It was one of the most happiest days of my life. Having the man of my dreams beside me from that day forward is something that I knew I was going to look forward to in the days and months and years to come.

I knew it wouldn’t be bed of roses... I knew it’s not going to be a piece of cake...but heck I didn’t know it’s going to be that bumpy.

I can never begin to tell you how those stories that I have read and heard about marriage and life after that, are so real it hurts. Some of you by now are actually doing the nod, agreeing with me...especially when I tell you now that there isn’t really a formula to happy marriage, even with us knowing that a happy wife is a happy life.

When two people get married, they would think that they are right for each other...thinking that they had gone through all the trouble of knowing the other person before diving in and taking that plunge. My husband and I we argue a lot. My grandfather ( may his soul Rest In Peace ) once told me, never to marry a first born child as we would always collide and clash, (cause I’m a first born myself ) my Chinese horoscope ( I’m a believer of those things 😁 ), says to marry an ally of my Chinese animal sign...heck, I even have to double check cause my husband is also a fire dragon ( until last night when we finally learned he is a rabbit and a wood sign at that) and damn it, fire burns wood! I mean go figure...

I know what you're thinking. And yes I agree, we are not that old. No definitely not. But early on we have experienced being isolated as a family. My husband having to come to the US before he can petition us and finally live and be together. And boy, I tell you, we had to endure so many things just to get to this point. And when we finally came to the US, trouble starts because we had to start knowing each other once again. Not to mention starting to build a life not only for ourselves but for the kids. A new home. A new life. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it doesn’t matter the years, the struggles in marriage are real.

To this day, we wake up thinking of ways to actually make it work on a daily basis. Some days we work really hard, just to understand what goes on inside each other’s head so we can be more sensitive of one another. And I’m telling you it’s not easy. And even with the thought we have to have a better communication scheme just so we can better understand each other. I don’t know about you but sometimes even when you do that it turns into a big argument. Thinking about it now just makes me shake my head out of frustration. We do love each other, there is no question about that. But you have to agree that sometimes love is not just enough.

Someone once told me to make sure that we have enough money to be able to sleep soundly at night and not worry about our everyday living. I hate to admit it, but I’m coming to a realization that this person who told me this is right. Come to think of it, if you have enough money and more, you don’t have to worry about loosing a job for the time being...you don’t have to worry about where to go on summertime and planning a family vacation would be so easy. And if you ask me I think that’s an important part of our lives so we may be able to breath and have a break in life before you go back to reality again.

Another one told me to understand. That you have to have a big amount of understanding so you maybe able to make a compromise. But then again, it’s not everyday you see your partner understanding you. And then you suddenly feel you are the only one who gives up what you like in this realtionship.

Marriage really is not for everyone. It requires a lot of patience that not everyone is blessed with. I for one doesn’t have that. But nevertheless, you try and you try harder, until you find a solution to every bit of problems your family will encounter.

Love is real, don’t get me wrong. But so is everything else. And I think everyday both of you have to build that strength. To build that courage so you can face all of these challenges. It still is not a formula. Because everyday you meet different scenarios in life and you will just have to think of another strategy to get you through it. It won’t require the same ingredient I tell you.

The struggle is real no matter what. I understand every couple that goes thru their daily life challenges. Whether they have been together longer or shorter time than most, it still is real. Marriage is one of the most interesting life challenges I have ever encountered. And knowing that I’m still young, I think I still have a long way to go...