So this is my first time doing this. I have poor grammar so sorry if I confuse anyone at all but I thought I’d come and tell some tales. This one for me has scarred me for life as pretty stupid as it sounds that is how I felt about it. Here is the tale:
It was around the beginning of the COVID pandemic. I was having some really stink chest pains. Around the time people were tweeting about the whole crisis and how badly they thought Trump was handling the situation. I do agree he didn’t do very well obviously otherwise there wouldn’t be so many cases... never mind. At the beginning before the virus went around I honestly wasn’t that worried about it and thought it was something that would go away pretty quick and wasn’t worried at all because that is just how things like this usually work out for me so I guess I’m pretty lucky most of the time... well I was wrong this time. I always believed the media was trying to brainwash everyone aswell sending mixed messages and I thought something evil was going on and I tweeted about that on someone’s tweet. This person shared a video on some crooked media show and I agreed with him. This person (name I won’t say) was someone I looked up to for years, he was on my favourite show. I was told how nice he always was and it didn’t scare me too much. I am socially crippled. And around the beginning of the year I began just tweeting and commenting on this persons social media just to get out of hiding. I tried to be as nice and respectful. He never responded or liked anything I said so I assumed I was doing something wrong. as I see it we all have different opinions and beliefs and we should respect that. Everyone has different reasons why they think what they think and just because it isn’t what you think doesn’t mean it is wrong. Must be mindful of others... sorry I have always wanted to type that out. Ok so back to the story... yeah one day he posted that video of the news that showed how crooked the news was and I replied to that tweet saying that there’s something evil going on. About two hours later I’m at hospital because I wasn’t feeling good, while I wait I go looking at my tweet and it says this guy has blocked me. An old feeling of rejection came back to me and I cried for hours. I ended up crying and being upset with myself and feeling like an idiot and blaming myself. During that time I ended up having surgery... it was just a clogged artery. I felt better afterwards... not right away. To this day the thing that bugs me the most is not the surgery but that fact that someone I looked up to blocked me and as it turns out didn’t give a squat about anything I said. I started thinking angry, I waddled around in my house ranting about what an absolute... yea I will keep this at least PG rated. I wondered why did I even bother with the human race all together they look down and reject me at the first sight and treat me like... poo... rubbish. I then also think sometimes about my little quote I wrote before saying to be mindful of others. I don’t actually know this person or what he goes through or the struggles he goes through. I did try to apologise if I did do something offensive... they were never read I saw that. Doesn’t matter at least I tried. I am still boggled and wondering if it was him or me that was wrong. Yea I hold a grudge for a long time, I try not to but I get to be in my head too much because I am lonely and have no friends... literally I have none... family friends don’t count they are pretty much family. I really was trying to be nice and I got put down by it. I do think I should just forget about him and tell stuffed but the thought keeps coming back telling me that it could have been good. He was an artist (on screen) and I was sort of an artist I love art I study it all kinds of it and i was into his character and what he does. I also think maybe i was more admired by the character than the actor sometimes... geez my head is stuffed I tell yah. Well there is my horrifying tale... of rejection and shame I guess.