A Pagan Life 5

Evelyn recognized Tom from the gym, where he'd been her personal trainer. In all the four years they'd been married when she was Tori, he'd never once made her feel ugly, though she'd been bigger.

She recognized her husband's face shape in him. That was when she had first started remebering from when she was Tori.

Over the years, it had worn at her, the heartbreak. When she heard he'd gotten remarried, she felt herself stop within herself. Right after he'd rejected her, she started crying and having chest pains so bad she'd end up on the floor because of the weight of her heart.

"I'd given up on men in terms of love after that. I'm just saying this since you asked."

Tom just hung his head down. There was nothing he could say in his own defense.

This was in the first week that he'd come over there. It was a walk they'd needed to have.

"There's more."

She paused.

"I know you can change. I know you were Wilber. I noticed the Guess earrings box. I know you were Iven. I know you were all my exes."

He just looked shocked, but in a way that confirmed it.

"I need to know if we'll finally be together."

He just nodded, still processing what she'd said.

He took her hand, kissed it, then pressed it to his forehead.

"I need to know why you remarried and what happened with that that you're free now."

He took a deep breath and dropped her hand.

"I didn't. It was easier to say I was married to women who pursued me that I didn't want pursuing me."

"You used it as a shield." She looked disgusted. "Go on."

"I didn't tell them I was a widower, but the ring still felt right on me. I could never throw it away."

"I was her! I'm not any of them taht would harass you if I knew you were a widower. I only asked that you be with me if you wanted."

"I didn't know that at the time, especially when you showed up at my place that night. With all those emails after, it seemed more like you wanted to hunt me down."

Evelyn just shook her head, looking sad.

"I still say it: be with me if you want, but please leave if you don't."

He took a moment, tried to take her hand in his but she wouldn't let him.

"Verdict first."

"I'll be with you."

"Good." She held her finger up. "One last thing. Wh did you keep me as a just-in-case as Iven?"

"To open your heart by breaking it. There was no other way."

"It's fun being a banshee."

She said it sarcastically, looking a bit crazed.

Tom was about to follow her into her room, but she handed him his old blanket from his bed and said, "I need some time to think, but I do accept being with you."

She hugged and kissed him, then went in her room.

She was sad that he'd only accepted those gestures mechanically. She understood why.

A little later, she went downstairs and made a salad and re-heated some canned baked beans with a single fried egg on top. She left him some salad and a serving of the same to microwave for himself when he was hungry. She texted him that it was there. She even left him some of the vinaigrette she'd used next to his salad. She left a post-it note on the egg and baked beans thing for him as to how long to microwave it.

He sort of expected it not to be there. When he saw everything in the fridge, he saw how sweet she could be. This was whilst being angry with him. He looked carefully at the salad. He saw the other egg hard-boiled and cut up into his salad. He started to cry happy tears. In the midst of all that pain and conflict, she could bother to cook for him and make sure he had something too. She loved him.

He looked in on her and saw that she was asleep. She also felt hurt that he'd only mechanically accepted her kiss and hug earlier, so she didn't feel like dealing with him. She'd hidden her laptop under the covers and pretended to be asleep.

"I apologize," she said the next morning in the doorway to his room.

He looked at her quizzically.

"I faked being asleep to avoid you 'cause I felt hurt that you only mechanically accepted my hug and kiss. That was immature of me."

He slightly scowled.

"I don't like that, but thank you for your honesty. I think I'll take breakfast alone, then go for a walk."

She lowered her head submissively.

"Fair enough."

Once he'd walked off his anger, he didn't feel better because as he approached the house he was re-confronted with his anger at her, especially as he saw her sitting in a rocking chair on the porch. She looked sad as she looked up at him. The remorse on her face softened him.

"Hi," he said, sitting in the rocking chair next to hers.

She smiled at him, though sadly.

"I still love you," he said warmly.

"Thank you." She paused. "I love you too."