A life full of toxic

by Jen Moose 8 days ago in advice

When all you've known is toxic, how do you get away?

A life full of toxic
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Over the years I've had my fair share of toxic relationships. Some of which I didn't know were even toxic till years later and I met the person again. This made me realize how toxic this person was and how thankful I am that the relationship ended. Throughout the relationship, people were throwing signs at me and there were a lot of red flags. But I ignored them all.

You literally can feel the negativity on them. At that time, I was more than happy for the relationship to end the way it did even though it hurt so much when it did end.

I've also had to end a relationship with a best friend that was roughly seven years. I always felt like I was chasing her around just to get her to talk. She claimed to be my best friend but only talked to me when she needed a "night out" or needed something. She could never reciprocate. I've called her out so much on this and she claimed she knew. She always below me off and gave me a shitty excuse but she ended up going out with other people or had others hang out with her.

When she fucked her own life up, I was to blame for it even though I had nothing to do with it. She's the kind of person where she can attack you and bully you, but god forbid if you stand up for yourself and lash out back you are the asshole and the bad guy.

To me, that isn't a best friend relationship. I said enough was enough and wrote her off. I'm told I need to grow up and forgive her. But there is nothing to forgive. I grew up and realized this isn't the kind of person I want as a best friend or in my life. I get and understand that people have jobs, families, other obligations, and friends but don't sit there and claim to be someone's friend and always be there but when you are called you disappear and don't find time for that person.

I have a best friend now where we go weeks, months without talking. Neither of us gets upset at the fact of we both have lives outside of the relationship. With my best friend, I have now it’s a two-way street. There’re no shitty excuses or getting blown off. It’s either we are hanging out or be straight up that we can’t hang this weekend because we just want to be lazy and stay at home.

Over the years I have learned many times over, mostly threw the hard way that not every relationship you stumble across is a healthy relationship. Trying to get rid of someone who is toxic can sometimes be hard. The toxic person can be a relative, just because they are related to you doesn’t mean you should keep them in your life. Toxic is toxic. The same thing with being a relationship or a friendship. It doesn’t matter if you have known the person for thirty years.

A toxic person is someone who every time they're around you feel exhausted, emotionally drained, and negative. You can usually feel the negativity once you enter the room. Toxic is a learned trait where they grew up and that’s all they know, or it became a coping mechanism from past relationships. Toxic behavior is anything that poisons a relationship and limits another person to grow.

Knowing someone is toxic and keeping them in your life is giving them that is ok for them to treat you like that and you are accepting it to be so. That doesn't really fix the problem.

I’ve been in relations where the person is so good at manipulation that I end up staying in the relationship believing it's normal and blame myself for everything that is happening. Even though I was aware that they were doing this to me, it was hard to get out and get away. When I finally got out of the relationship and put them in their place. Suddenly I am the bad guy and this same toxic person has gone around telling horrible stories that aren’t even true and never happened. But because they are so good at manipulation some people who listen actually believe said stories.

It is possible for someone who is toxic to change. but this is highly unlikely for many reasons because they feel like they can't change and see how much effort it is to change. As an adult looking back at my life, I wish that we learned some of these lessons in high school. The life lessons of how to look for red flags in a person. How to cope with situations like these and where to go for help when you do end up in a toxic relationship.

Not every relationships are puppies and rainbows. But they're not always toxic either.

advice
Jen Moose
Jen Moose
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