A Letter to You

Try your best not to wake up three times in the middle of the night. Mom and dad fight enough as it is, you don’t need to cause another fight about who gets more sleep than the other. Try not to make a mess when they change your diaper, this only makes for embarrassing stories to be told at parties when you’re older, trust me. When learning to walk, don’t reach out to grab the corners of furniture or walls; life moves fast, so you better get used to learning at the same speed. On the day of your fourth birthday, please try to refrain from taking scissors to your curly brown hair. Mom gets rather flustered and does a worse job trying to fix your impromptu haircut than you could’ve done yourself.

Speak with kindness to your neighbors during storytime; not all of them grow up in families where things like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny exist. Kicking sand at other kids while you drag your feet on the swingset will only result in a stern talking to from Mrs. J and a long ride home in the car with mom after school. You are allergic to bees, so joining some classmates in a seemingly fun game of “throw rocks at the bee pinata” may not be the best idea. An ambulance trip and $500 worth of EpiPens will not come close to amounting to the emotional toll you delivered to your parents.

Middle school is hard for everyone, so please, when looking in the mirror, try not to compare yourself to other girls. View the breakout on your forehead like a unique constellation and remember that for once in your life, it is not so bad when people have more stars than you. Boys pass notes, blurt slurs, and draw the most humorous parts of the human anatomy; I hate to inform you that this phase will last much longer for them than you know. Your mom will neglect to remind you and your teachers will run out of time to teach this in health class but when the blood appears in your gym shorts it is not as urgent as it seems. This time of the month will become regular and for some, a very relieving monthly friend. While you’re young, try to use this cycle for a multitude of excuses to get out of things - dad won’t know what to say besides “sure, let’s change the subject”.

High school is here and you’re queer. No one knows it quite yet, besides maybe the boy who first kissed you at the dance and asked if the butterflies had formed in your stomach just like they did his. They didn’t. But in math class, you keep staring at your best friend. The way her hair curls off her shoulders, cascades of hazel and gold. You don’t know if you want to be more like her or taste the chapstick she coats on her lips between classes, but that pit inside your stomach hurts more and more every time her boyfriend takes her hand in his. Everyone is getting a boyfriend and doing just fine, while some of your classmates are sneaking their parent’s rum and getting drunk in the basement. You feel uncomfortable with both of these aspects of life and your pimples still haven’t gone away.

College hits you hard and you still haven’t picked a major. You suck at math, history is boring, and science makes your skin crawl. When the cute girl hands you a flyer asking you to join the debate club, please follow your heart. When your parents call you and ask how everything is going, please be honest. Tell them you miss home, tell them you’re failing. They won’t be mad and they care. You are not supposed to have it figured out yet and everyone around you acting as if they do are most likely lying. What you see on Instagram is merely filters and self-promotions. 70% of those happy couples are going through a rough patch and those Bahama spring break trips don’t pay for themselves.

You graduate and the world is yours, just like they told you it would be. The most important thing I ask you to do is close your eyes and breathe. Call your parents every day, tell them you love them at the end of each phone call. Send your resume everywhere and do not take those rejections personally; they just weren’t ready for you. Take the dating world with a grain of salt and be careful with those apps that promise you that with just a small fee of $19.99 a month, you can find your soulmate. I promise your chances are just as fine when walking down the street or ordering coffee. People will see you as something bigger than you see yourself and the last thing I ask of you takes practice and many people never get here: realize that all your strengths have come from you, all your struggles, all your pains.