A Letter to the Other Woman

Dear -----,

Today is the day I take back my life back. From this day forward, you will not haunt me. The greatest revenge is living a happy life. That is what I intend to do. I have always been a happy, positive person and this has not changed that. If anything, my jovial nature has helped me through and it is something my husband admires about me. I know you think that our life is forever altered and you would be right. Just not in the way you think. It has been altered for the better. We both realized something through all of this and that was just how much we really do actually love each other. The day it all came out and I had a choice to leave. It was in that moment when everything was on the line, that we realized that a life without each other was just not possible.

He could never leave me, nor I him, even at our worst, we couldn’t bear to be without each other. We are soulmates, life partners, and best friends and we've been that way since the very beginning. Although he hates the mistake he made by having an affair with you and only wants to rebuild our life, I am not unhappy that you came into our life. You were a catalyst that forced us to deal with our underlying issues that had been building up for years. The affair was not the problem but a symptom, and we finally dealt with those things the stood in between us. Because of this, we are closer than we have been in a long time. We both realized what we really wanted in life. It was like turning back the clock and getting to know each other all over again and we realized just how much we really liked each other. It never occurred to me that over the years, we been so focused on being parents, we forgot to be friends first. We put more time into our kids than we did into building our intimate connection. We lost sight of each other. After the affair we spent months learning to reconnect and we realized just how much we genuinely loved each other. He realized that I’m the only woman he could ever truly love. I’m sorry that you were hurt in all of this. I would be sorrier if you had been a nicer, less “evil” woman about the whole thing. You systematically tried to destroy not only my marriage but me as a person. But I do feel bad for you none the less.

My husband made a mistake. He isn’t perfect, none of us are. We all make mistakes. Regardless of the things he has done, he is still the man I fell in love with 24 years ago. We grow from our failures and they have brought us closer. This was a big one, but I can’t help but be grateful for it. An affair isn't any easy thing to heal from. I was broken for a long time. However, I have done more learning, growing, and living in the past year than I have in what feels like forever. I always thought I had to be this perfect mother who didn’t do anything and followed all the rules so that I could raise my children right. In the midst of all that, I lost sight of my best friend and stopped making him my priority. I have learned through all of this what is important and that is my relationship, my friendship with my husband. Our kids have grown and learned from this as well. At first, I thought it wasn’t a good idea to tell them, but he insisted. They have seen us go through bad times and come out the other side more in love than ever. They have learned from us that real love needs to be fought for.

No one will ever love my husband like I do. I know you think you loved him. It is easy to “love” someone in the beginning when everything is new and you’re riding that wave of chemicals and hormones. Especially in your situation, where it is an affair and you’re living in this fantasy world. That isn’t real love, that is lust. Love is when you really see the dark and ugly parts of a person. When a person hurts you beyond any pain you have experienced, and you can turn around and forgive them, and continue to love them and love them more than you did before. Not in spite of their faults but because of them. I've read a great quote that says, "a person who truly loves you will never let you go, no matter how hard the situation is."

True love, real love is when you can look at the situation and take some of the responsibility on yourself. Where you are willing to share the guilt, because you know that life isn’t all black and white. I can look back and see how easy I made things for you. I also, in healing, had to make steps to rectify that. I am as guilty for hurting him as he was for hurting me, just in different ways. I choose other things over him, I didn’t make him feel like he was my hero, like he was the man. There were countless other things that I did that helped push him in that direction. He and I grew up together and have always had something special, something that nobody will ever measure up to for either of us. We may have lost sight of it for a time, but it was always there. It was that invisible bond that kept us holding on. It was that intangible essence that used to make you so jealous. You have no idea what a truly soulful and spiritual bond really is. Your so-called spiritual and soulful connection was forged by a lies and deceit, not by real life. You took a weakness and exploited it. He fell in love with me, just as I am without the need of a chemical induced euphoria. I find solace in knowing that even during the affair, he always loved me and wanted to find his way back to what we once had. Lost in a midlife crisis, he was searching for meaning in his life and ran head long into all sorts of dangerous behavior and you were one of these.

You laughed at me and scoffed at our love story. But that is because you really don’t understand what real love is. A real love story isn’t one where the couple walks in eternal sunshine and they never have any problems. They skip through life on a cloud surrounded by rainbows. That is a fantasy. Nobody ever has an easy road. Every relationship will have its trial and tribulations, but the real ones get through it. The relationship where there is real and true love, the couple fights against all odds, against everything designed to tear them apart and make it out the other side. Maybe not without some scars but those scars help them find a deeper and more meaningful love and a more solid relationship. A real romance is where they know that no matter what they have found the person who, without a doubt accepts them, just as they are. I have accepted him for whoever he chooses to be. I don’t just accept his inner demons, I love him more because of them, and how he fights them with such courage. And he loves me for mine. I love that no matter how dark things have ever gotten, he never let go of that love for me, nor I for him. We have witnessed the ugly parts of each other and love each other more for them and therefore are free to let our beautiful parts shine out because we know we are loved completely.

I choose to find the blessings and lessons in the things that happen to us. I choose to let go of all the hurt and ugliness and appreciate all the good things that have come from this. There was so much good that came from this. I can't help but be grateful for it. Even if I could go back in time, I wouldn't change a thing, because that might change where we are today and I wouldn't give that up for anything in the world. You see that is where you find joy in your life. Nobody gets an easy ride, nobody will get out of here not having experienced pain or in your case, wolves, as you put it. It is how you chose to look at those experiences that determine the quality of your life. I refuse to let any experience rob me of the joy in my life. I chose love, joy, happiness, gratefulness, and kindness. That is how I live my life and I don't let the negativity touch me.

You are a person with no regard for your fellow human beings. You put on a great show of how you care and love people, but it’s just that, a show. You mocked and taunted me in my depressed state, pushing me to end my life. You would have ruined my innocent children's lives for your own selfishness. The worst part is how you could even tell me that you knew how I felt because your husband cheated on you. How could you inflict pain like that on to another human being after having experienced it yourself? That is inhuman and cruel. If that wasn’t enough, you couldn’t even be faithful to my husband all while trying to break up our marriage. You were so mercenary that your needs and desires surpassed all else. You were fake. You made yourself into everything he wanted just to get him, to exploit his vulnerability, to win. You would have destroy a family for your own selfish gain. Fortunately, the mask you wore slipped, and the real you began to peak out from the shadows. He realized just exactly he was dealing with. Your phone calls, text messages, and stalking only made him realize that much more what a mistake he had made.

Yet despite all that, I do wish that you find happiness in life. I am not an asshole and I could never truly hate anyone, even someone like you who has done nothing but harass me and spit venom and cruelty my way and tried to demolish my life. I can find forgiveness for you because I know that you are only human. I hope that you find love, I hope that someday you also find humility and grow a conscience. This world does not need people like you tearing families apart for your own gratification. I hope in the future, you will develop enough character, not to try to take what doesn't belong to you. I am happy in this new life and I chose not to bring any thoughts of you with me into the future. I pray for you and I wish you a good life. I wish for you to find a good future and for you to find someone who helps you heal those damaged parts of yourself and teach you what real love is all about. I just want to say thank you for the valuable lessons you taught me and I'm grateful for the new, stronger relationship I have with my husband because of what we went through. You didn't break me. You opened my eyes and because of you, I have the chance for an incredible life with my best friend. This is where I leave you. I wish you the best.