A Letter to My Lost Friend

by Ash Vazquez 3 years ago in friendship

For you...

A Letter to My Lost Friend

Hey, it’s me that person who you don’t want to see. The girl who once was your greatest friend but now is your worst enemy. I’m sorry for everything that I did. I’m sorry for throwing all of my problems on you. For waking you up whenever I had those late night suicidal thoughts. And for wanting you to be by my side no matter what. I expected too much from you. You couldn’t handle all of the problems that I threw onto you and so I’m sorry for never seeing how I affected you.

I expected you to help me resolve my problems as well as resolve your own problems. You were very busy with your own life and I ignored that. I guess I just wanted a friend, a companion, someone who would walk down the path to recovery with me. I thought it would be you because of all the things we went through. But I should have known better than to expect too much from people. You like me were also trying to find out who you were. We both were lost and expecting the other to find and guide us.

We both said and did things that we shouldn’t have. I’m sure that you, just like me, regret the things that you said. Like how you had a life, how you were busy, and that I was taken too much time away from you. But don’t worry friend, I don’t hate you. I could never in my life hate someone as sweet and kind as you. Although you hurt me deeply I have to say that I am willing to forgive you. I’m willing to forget our dark past and start anew if that is what you would like.

Of course, if we would to start anew I would have to kindly ask you to be patient. You hurt me during the weakest time in my life. When I was depressed and wanting to die. Because of this every time I see or hear your name I twitch inside. My heart starts raising and I start panicking. So friend, please be patient with me. Let time heal the scars that your words left in me. Maybe in the near future, I will be able to hear your name without my pulse rising and wanting to run away.

So dear friend, can you forgive me for all the pain I have caused you? Would it be possible for you to seek me out in the near future? For there to be no bad blood between us? If the answer is no then that is okay. I fully understand and accept your decision. I won’t bother or seek you out although I want to. I will respect your wishes and follow what you want. All I hope is for you to be happy. For you to live a happy and peaceful life because you deserve it. Never forget friend, that although I am not with you, that I will always support you. I am always available if you wish to reach me. And also friend, remember that I care for you despite everything. That I will be rooting for you no matter what. So rest assure friend that I forgive you and that no matter what decision you make you will always be someone dear to me.

Sincerely, your ex-best friend

P.S- I am happy to tell you that I am better now. I graduated from high school and am in college majoring in writing. I have also stopped going to the therapist and I am better at managing my anxiety and depression.

Ash Vazquez
Ash Vazquez
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Ash Vazquez

College student

See all posts by Ash Vazquez