Dear 8-year-old me,
Everything is going to be okay. You do not have to be so angry all of the time. I'm not angry anymore, okay sometimes I am. I know that sometimes to get better we have to get angry but you don't have to be so mad. I know you are very upset about everything happening but don't blame mom. The anger you have is heavy it's okay to leave it alone for a little bit. Even on your worst days, it is going to be okay in the end. I know it feels like the world is going to end but it's not. Your entire life feels like running after something that keeps moving away into the distance. While you stay in the same place, I guess proximity counts for a lot right now. You will go through this many times. It becomes painfully lonely. You will feel this in your heart, slowly the pain will fade, and you will be left with a beautiful memory. Maybe our memory is all the home you get. You still long for a home that doesn't exist and it's sad, but it eventually feels better.
There are going to be some good days and some really bad days. it's going to take time to feel okay again. If you keep storing all of that anger and grief eventually, it spills over or you drown in it. When you read to the Little Prince you will grieve the childhood we didn't have. We did the best we could and sometimes that just isn't enough. You will go through so much in the next few years but it will be okay in the end. You are going to fall in love, and it's going to hurt more than you think. Love like that it's fast and it is rare. You are going to learn that you can not save everyone you are friends with and that's okay. You are not put on this earth to save everyone. He is not the type of person you will think about when you think you fall in love with him. You are going to like him and it doesn't seem fair.
You are going to leave home and while it is easy it's going to be the scariest thing you have ever done. When your house no longer feels like home you will want to run. Running away from everything only works some of the time. There is this restlessness in your bones that you do not quite understand. You are going to be sorry you left but it was for the best though it never felt right. All of your friends will talk about leaving. you were the only one who did. You really did think that if you didn't leave you would die and that the thought of starting over always sounded better.
You will get out and it will change your life. You deserve happiness no matter how much you think you do not deserve it. You deserve so much more than you are going through. The next few years will seem like it will never get better but they will. It will take time but one day you will wake up happy for the first time in a long time and everything will be okay. we've had to fight just to live our life and it wasn't fair. No four-year-old should be afraid of every single person in our life. By the time you are 17 you are surprised that we are still alive, it really isn't that bad. We are alive and happy and we made it through.
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