A Letter to my 10 Year Old Self

Before we get into this, I want to start by saying that you are so loved. You get sad sometimes, and right now you don’t always know what home feels like. I know that’s why you don’t always see it, but looking back it’s so clear that everyone you meet sees you glisten. Especially at 10 years old. You will lose a little bit of that as you get older, but it’s still there. If you want it to be.

I want to tell you that the sadness goes away, but it doesn’t and I am sorry about that. I did try my hardest but in a few years you’ll come to realise it’s just a part of you. The harder you fight to ignore it, the stronger the takeover is.

You don’t realise it yet, but your emotions are the best, and also the worst part about you. Wear them like a badge of honour. Be proud that you feel so deeply. Not everyone is that lucky. Sometimes you’ll lash out and you’ll never feel spite like it. I’m not proud of that part. Those closest to you won’t understand, but that’s okay. It’s a journey of acceptance that you need to make alone.

Don’t worry about never kissing your neighbour, Tom. It’ll feel like a missed opportunity for a few years, though you’ll get over it by the time you’re a teenager.

Talking of being a teenager; you’re going to make some fantastic mistakes and at the time, the repercussions will suck. Later in life you realise you wouldn’t change any of them. Every slip up will lead you right to me.

A couple of months from now, on your way home from school, a stranger will take advantage of you. It’ll last a couple of seconds, though it will feel longer, and by the time you realise what’s happened it’ll already be over. The damage will already be done. Years later you’ll realise how lucky you were, how it could have been so much worse. It will take you at least a decade to find acceptance, but the best bit? You’ll use that experience to help somebody else when they need it most.

You’ll meet a girl and she’ll be your best friend for such a short time. You’ll always think about her and by the time you realise how beautiful your friendship is, it’ll be too late and she’ll be gone forever. Don’t be sad though, you’ll find some peace with her sister and she’ll continue to inspire you, even when she has her wings.

Be kinder to your parents. You’re more like both of them than you realise. A perfect balance of each. Your mum speaks a different love language to you. Once you learn to communicate effectively, you’ll understand that she’s been tested many times and her skin just isn’t as thick as yours.

You’re going to say and do things to your Dad that you’ll later regret but you’re just a kid and your relationship will be better for it. It’ll take a few years though. He’ll grow up and adjust just as much as you do, and in time you’ll understand that he struggles in ways similar to you. Just stick it out for a little bit. You’ll get there with both parents. I promise.

Brush your teeth more, you have great teeth and you don’t look after them nearly half as well as you should. That’ll cost you a lot of money later down the line. Money that would be better spent going to the dentist in the first place.

Ditch the girls who make you cry. Nobody should make you cry, least of all your friends. Other people will take their place and they won’t make you cry. They’ll love you, for you. They’ll keep you alive in more ways than one and in turn, you’ll do the same for them.

Don’t lose your passions, especially not for reading and writing. Your better at the latter than you think you are. You’ll go far if you only have a little faith in yourself.

In a few years, you’ll meet a boy and you’ll think he’s the one. You’ll waste years trying to convince yourself he is. You’ll lose a special friendship the day you admit he’s not. Be prepared for that to hurt more than the break up.

I know you’re excited for your twenties but the middle years are going to be the hardest years of your life. You’ll do things you’re not proud of and you’ll say things that are unkind. You’ll also do incredibly selfless things that won’t be appreciated.

Some of the people you’ll meet during those years will really hurt you, they’ll do it when you’re at your most vulnerable, and it’ll hurt like hell. You’ll move on but you’ll never forgive them for it. It actually doesn’t matter though. They’re not your people and they never were. Besides, they’ll do themselves over long before you’ve accepted their wrongs.

Later on you’ll meet the man who is actually the one, and you’ll know for certain. You’ll just know. He’ll challenge you, and he’ll push you because he wants the best for you. It’ll be worth it. You’ll grow more as a person, and most importantly he’ll feel like home.

Move your body more. Running isn’t your sport, don’t force it. Stick with the high intensity, low-impact exercises; you’ll thank me for it later on. Stop trying to lose weight to be skinny. Only ever lose weight because your body needs it, because at some points in your life it really does need it. And all the other times? You’ll just think it does. The times you think you’re fat, are actually some of the thinnest of your life.

Trust your gut, it’s smarter than you are, in more ways than one. Your health is something you’ll take for granted until you have a golf ball sized abscess on your collar bone. Between that and the cyst on your ovaries you’ll never know pain like it.

Unfortunately being good with money won’t ever come naturally to you. Maybe just be a bit more honest about where it’s going. Not everything you see, you need to have.

Your life won’t turn out exactly the way you want it to and that’s okay. We’ll get there together over the next few years. Our future is looking bright, not orange bright but close enough. We’re guaranteed to make a couple of mistakes along the way, but we’ll do them together.

For now, keep doing what you’re doing – you’re doing great.