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A Letter to a Friend

by Alice Schellinger about a year ago in advice
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We all have that one friend in life that may need this. Share it with them.

You’ve been hurt. That much I can see. I see it in your eyes, in the way your shoulders tense, and in the harsh clench of your jaw. I hear it whenever you say things like “It’s nothing,” or “I’m fine.” I feel it when you hug me too tightly, afraid to let go and even more afraid to admit it.

That’s the thing, though. You’re afraid. But of what, you’re too ashamed to say. You’re afraid of being hurt again, so you hide it in the “I don’t want to hurt anyone’s,” and the “I’ll understand if you want to distance yourself from me.” And the one that worries me the most: “I’d want to distance from me, too.”

Saying those things never has the effect that you think it will, my love. It only communicates to others that you’re Trying to push them away. You say that it is up to them if they want to distance from you, but in saying that, you indirectly communicate that you want distance from them. You’re afraid to communicate why, though. Do you believe that you’re toxic to yourself and others? Why? And are you actively doing anything to work on that and address that fear?

I may never understand all of what you’ve experienced. The amount of pain you’ve gone through. But, I do know that deep down, you’re more afraid of being alone than you are of the pain that comes with opening up and letting your guard down. You may be afraid to let your guard down because it comes with the risk of being hurt again, but it’s the subconscious fear of being alone that causes you to communicate a fear of being “too vulnerable.”

You say it’s better to be alone because then no one can hurt you, and you can’t hurt anyone. But, I know that you’re only doing that to protect yourself. You’re so focused on protecting yourself from pain that you can hardly recognise pleasure. You barely allow yourself the time to experience joy, because you feel that, like pain, it is also fleeting. The thing is that your thoughts and feelings have a lot of power over your reality. Your beliefs shape the way in which you perceive the world around you, and yourself within that world. Joy can be as constant as you believe it to be, and so can pain. You can laugh all you want and call bullshit, but deep down, you know there’s a truth to what I’m saying. If you believe that you will only ever experience pain, betrayal, lies, hardships, that will continue to be your existence. Your vibration. Your life. If you believe that you deserve love, happiness, success, joy, abundance, and you tune into that frequency and adjust your beliefs and mindset, you will attract that which you desire. If you constantly want and wish from a place of lack, you will never receive. If you are determined to receive while letting go of the how it will happen, you may be surprised when your desires come barrelling into your life. When they do, don’t stop and sit idle. Don’t run. Just let it happen. That is the best way to exist. Naturally and with the flow of the Universe.

You may think this “metaphysical hokey.” But, it is truth. Whether or not you choose to accept that truth is up to you. But your beliefs shape your life. And you can choose them just as easily as you’d choose what combination of shirt and pants you’re going to wear today, or what shoes you’re going to wear.

advice

About the author

Alice Schellinger

Poet and classical literature aficionado. Lover of the arts. Creator of short stories, poems, and articles. Hostess of The SchellingtonGrin Podcast.

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