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A letter from a husband to his wife with cancer

Cancer Fighting Stories

By Yi SuPublished 2 years ago 5 min read
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Xiao Ya, after thinking about it for a long time, I decided to write this letter to you.

I know you are a strong woman, but in my heart, you will always be the little girl who needs my protection. There are so many reasons to write this letter to you, but after thinking about it for so long, what I want to say most is still sorry.

I'm sorry for not being able to take care of you.

Love

One night at the end of February last year, your stomach suddenly hurt so badly that a friend and I took you to the hospital and stayed up all night. The doctor said it might be ovarian cancer, but the diagnosis could not be confirmed until after the surgery.

After the first surgery, you woke up from anesthesia and the first thing you asked me was: Is it cancer? I was torn all night, not knowing what to say to you.

The next day, you returned from the intensive care unit to the general ward. You seemed to have thought about it, and I decided to tell you the result, but what I wanted to tell you more than anything was that I would walk with you through it.

Even though you had prepared yourself mentally, you were still lost. But you were afraid that I would be more upset, so I covered up my loss and pointed to my stomach, and gestured to me with a smile, "Look, a big mistake."

You were lying on the edge of the bed looking at me, not saying anything, and surprisingly I didn't know what to say either.

The first time chemotherapy, you said the stomach was like fire, so painful, all night I held your hand, you screamed in pain, at that moment, I so want to lie in the hospital bed is me, not you.

Later, you were tired of crying and went to sleep, and I watched you sleep, thinking a lot of thoughts. You seem to be dreaming, eyelashes moved slightly, and then frowned, is it a dream that I was lazy again not to brush the dishes? Or did I come home from work and find that I had eaten all the snacks?

That night, I did not sleep, from the first time I met you to today, the child is eight years old, a scene drifted from my mind.

I remember one winter, I was out drinking with friends, ate unclean seafood, came home in the middle of the night vomiting and diarrhea, the night you walked a long way to help me buy medicine, took care of me overnight, and the next day, I woke up, you were already in the kitchen to help me boil up the porridge.

Finally, now it's my turn to take care of you.

What else can I say but apologize for how much I regret not taking care of you in the past eight years?

In the years between our love and marriage, you took care of me all the time, and if you hadn't gotten sick, up to now, I still take everything for granted. The toothpaste squeezed before washing in the morning was taken for granted, the sizzling meal at home in the evening was taken for granted, and every penny saved in the bank account was taken for granted.

But now I know that those little details that I had overlooked were you loving me with all your heart.

I forgot that you also need to go to work, to clean, cook and bring up the children after work, while I, taking for granted all that you bring me. I forgot that every penny we saved in our little coffers was earned by you giving up a beautiful dress and expensive cosmetics. I forgot that you have been trying and trying again to run our life ......

So, I also want to say, thank you. Thank you, for being there for me in my life for the past years.

After finishing chemotherapy, you have been in good shape and have not relapsed, and I started to look forward to the start of my new life with great anticipation. The girl who cried all night in the hospital bed, I turned my eyes and was about to forget her.

However, fate gave me a hard slap in the face.

A few days ago, you said you were not feeling well, we went to the hospital for a checkup, and the doctor said, may have relapsed, but also chemotherapy. Hearing this news, you are in a very bad state, I am also completely dumbfounded, until today, you have not eaten a good meal.

That night, we talked all night long, you and I said, you are not greedy, you only need ten years, ten years, glory and wealth do not want, it is enough to talk with me.

A week ago, you cut your hair, you said you were sorry, my favorite long hair, you failed to protect. When the scissors fell, I saw tears flashing in your eyes, but out of the barber store, you said to me, long wanted to cut it short, this is now easy.

At night, you hide alone and cry, you are afraid, I know I am also afraid, but, what I should do now is not afraid, but strong. You said that if you are leaving, you must help me find a good person to live with in advance, can not be beautiful but must be kind, to our children, to be good to me. Otherwise, you will not feel at ease.

I also could not help but fall into tears. Besides you, who else in this world can enter my heart? Even if the road ahead is hard and tiring, I will still walk with you.

Do you remember the story we once read together?

Under the Green Ridge Peak, a monk and a Taoist monk admonished a spiritual stone whose heart was burning: "In mortal things, beauty is not enough, good things have many problems, happiness is sad, people are not what they used to be, at the end of the day, all the realms return to empty, are you still going?"

The stubborn stone said: I am going.

When I came into this world if a voice told me: in this life, you have to experience unimaginable illness, countless anxiety, disappointment, and parting torment. Will you still go?

I will nod like a stubborn stone, I'm going to go. I want to see what love looks like, and I want to remember what you look like even more ......

love
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About the Creator

Yi Su

Miracles happen every day.

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