A Christmas Miracle

I know it seems silly that a fifty something woman would still be wishing for a Christmas Miracle and yet here I am.

There's something about this time of year. It's as if magic is just a little bit closer to the surface, ready to jump into action at the first sign of belief.

For me I think I get to the end of the year, it's a time of gifting, receiving, joy, and it's like okay. Where's the prize? I mean, I did it. I made it through another challenging year of change, death, growth, so where. Is. It?

It's not like I think about this all year long. For the most part, I am enjoying some part of each and every day, being grateful for where I am and the choices that got me here. I am dealing with the things that come up that takes peace of mind away. I am making the changes that I would like to make in my life, asking for more, and yet it's as if the giant ear of the universe is stuffed with sugar plums.

They say " Choose! And the money will show up!" I chose and the money disappeared.

They say " It takes time!" Ummmm, impatient Gemini here, hello.

They say "Your ask must be congruent with the energy." Huh?

2022 started with me getting Covid in January, my mom died in April, almost got evicted in August, got sick again in November with no sick time to pay me while out. And the biggest one yet to me: no one cared. Not my son's father, not my remaining family, not any of the random people that tell me they love me.

I know, whiny, right? Poor me. To be where I am at in my life and realize that the only person who ever loved me without expectation was my mom, and she was gone.

I honestly thought this year would be first year since moving here that I would be able to get a tree and have actual presents under it, wrapped even. And it is another year gone by where that will not be the case.

It's not like I had a huge list of things, it's more like someone took the care and time to look for, buy, and wrap something they thought I would love. That was my mom. And I will never have that again.

While I may not believe in God or Santa even, I do believe in ask and receive. So I ask. And I ask. And I ask.

So far no big miracle has shown up. No bright shiny package from the universe. No big bag of money. No Santa on his sleigh.

Perhaps the miracles are the little things.

The crow call that is a surprisingly beautiful sound. The flowers blooming in December. The holiday decorations. The smile from a stranger. The sunshine.

A pupppy who is happy to see you. A kind word. A thank you. A quote that came at just the right time in your feed.

Maybe these, when all put together ARE the big miracle. And maybe, at this time of year, it's not about the gifts and the receiving. Maybe it is about the reflection of all these little miracles. The bringing up of them to relive them and experience the momentary joy again.

And maybe, having gratitude for all these little miracles is the biggest miracle of all. A big snowball that gains momentum with each grateful moment until it's so huge it's unstoppable.

Yeah. I'll have that.

Am I saying we create our own miracles? Indeed I am, my friends.

Will I stop asking for that big Christmas Miracle? Never;)

Happy Holidays to all the seekers, dreamers, believers. I hope you get all the miracles you wish for.