7 Tips to Get Through the Process of 'No Contact'

To move on after having been dumped takes time. But the manner in which one handles the mending of a heartbreak speaks volumes and could do so very loudly. The journey to healing depends on will-power.

The Obstacle of 'Square One'

Shock and confusion are accompanied by the rawness of emotional pain. Communication has ended and to get used to the detachment could be difficult. The breakup is fresh; so to get used to it immediately is an unrealistic expectation. Within the time which is spent attempting to retrace the downfall of the relationship, the effort to overcome such an unfortunate experience has yet to start.

The Lost Concept of the Rule

Along with the benefits of 'No Contact' which are constantly noted, there is also a misunderstanding in terms of how it's used.

1. Be Honest with Yourself

Yes, it really happened, you've been dumped. Nothing could describe the feeling of abandonment. It may seem sudden, but there had to have been a build-up which led to the end of the relationship. One minute you were attached and then, the next minute, you found yourself single. And of course, not by choice.

However, considering the fact that the tango of two individuals partly shapes a relationship, you need to assess your part in the failure. Not to imply you're the only one to blame, but most likely you have faults. If you own up to your part, you may be surprised by what you'll learn.

2. Learn to Let Go

Agonizing isn't going to help you in the least bit. Most likely, your 'pity party' is one-sided. Why? Three words: you're the dumpee. But still, you should consider that drowning in grief isn't going make the situation better.

To invest your time worrying about where your ex is and what they're doing, when you're nothing more than an afterthought, is to grant them power over your emotions. Yet you allow your ex to invade your train of thought while you could place focus on other unrelated factors in your life.

So develop a stance of distance to allow indifference to the past to kick in. Although your ex may still enter your mind occasionally, at least sadness will no longer have a hold over you.

3. Anticipate the Future

You may think your ex is the best you've ever had, and you may think you'll never find anyone else, but you know that is far from the truth. If you continue to dwell on the past, you won't give yourself the chance to meet other individuals from various walks of life. Your energy will be wasted on someone who left you in the dust.

Wishing and hoping your ex will regret having left you, and then show up at your door to apologize, probably won't happen. And you also may be viewed as the reason why the relationship ended when, in reality, a compilation of reasons, having been caused by both sides, are the culprits.

Try to socialize and mingle with others on a regular basis. You may cross paths with someone who you may not only last with, but who also may be your soul-mate.

4. Fight the Temptation to Contact Your Ex

The urge finds a way to creep up on you; especially when you see a couple being affectionate toward each other in public or when you find yourself lonely on a Saturday night. Or perhaps even during holidays. It is at this point where your strength is tested. The choice is yours as to whether you'll overcome it or fail with flying colors.

Temptation is one thing, but to actually give in to dialing your ex's number (which you shouldn't even have stored in your phone at this point anyhow) will send you backward. That is nothing more than a sign of weakness. Do you realize how desperate you would look if you were to allow your impulse to take over?

Gain a sense of restraint. Also, condition yourself to use common sense to avoid making a decision which could make your grief even worse.

5. Drift Away From Familiarity

The return to a previous situation would be far too easy to do. Not only that, it would also be an easy way out rather than face what may lie ahead. How could one build a relationship with others without effort? There is nothing wrong with searching for one which may be different (or perhaps even better) than what you had grown used to.

6. Become Oblivious

To reach a stage where you'll be able to be mature if you cross paths with your ex is an accomplishment. Just as absence could make the heart grow fonder, for your ex to be out of your mind as a result of being out of your sight, could be just as valid.

The key is to adapt to the disconnect, as time marches on, to be able to go on without obsessing over what is now irrelevant. Although it no longer matters, have an open-mind to become wiser and to determine what you don't want to experience again. That should be enough to repel you.

7. Tend to Your Own Life

You are your own individual. So therefore, I highly doubt that you were born to please others rather than yourself. So why shouldn't your existence be a priority over your ex's? Especially since there is no connection.

The importance of you should be a focus unto yourself. Consider your worth and how much you deserve to be happy and content.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So are you going to choose the foolish route? Or are you going to be strong and see to it that you're going to use the 'No Contact Rule' as a lesson? The chosen path is up to you.