5 Ways That Having More Sex Can Improve Your Relationship

My last long-term relationship included long periods of sexlessness — for reasons that had nothing to do with attraction. We were both very sexual people, but the challenges in our relationship got in the way. At least that’s what I told myself.

When things were good, they were outstanding. But when it was bad, it was awful. And over time, the good times got shorter, and the bad times seemed to last forever.

It wasn’t that we were arguing all the time. Although we weren’t exactly talking either, we always seemed to be talking about not talking. And because the body seems to follow the mind, our bodies eventually stopped talking to one another.

The crazy thing is having more sex can improve the quality of a relationship. Perhaps if we hadn’t nixed sex when the going got tough, we might have stood a fighting chance — maybe.

Regular sex strengthens the connection between partners.

The truth is, couples who have sex regularly have a more robust connection. And it’s about more than doing the “do,” because intention matters when it comes to romantic relationship-ing.

“Erotic intimacy is the revelation of our memories, wishes, fears, expectations, and struggles within a sexual relationship.” — Esther Perel

It’s not enough to participate in the act of coitus. You need to make time and space for sexual desire to build, brew, and boil over.

Couples who flirt, kiss, and fuck regularly experience a greater depth of closeness.

When the bond within a relationship is sturdy, all parties become fortified in every area of their lives.

This brings me to my next point.

A satisfying sex life upgrades your entire life.

My current relationship is fulfilling for many reasons, and one of them is the sex is good. We had sex four times within the span of 24-hours earlier this week —which is above our normal average.

The frequency is not nearly as important as the consistency. Having sex often inoculates both of us against the savagery of regular life because the trials and tribulations are plenty. But when we connect sexually (which includes physical and emotional intimacy), we just feel better.

My partner calls this “being in the bubble.”

When you’re in the bubble, work stuff won’t easily rattle your chain. You can breathe and woosah your way back to center when Prius Guy cuts you off. And you’ll have a roll of Bounty ready to sop up the tea that so-and-so called herself spilling. Because when you are getting laid properly, the triggers are less triggering.

Not only that, a gratifying sex life makes the mundane extraordinary. Average food becomes delicious. Colors pop. Rest comes easier. Patience gets longer. And happiness is doable.

Having sex often creates “tough times glue.”

Earlier I mentioned that couples who have sex regularly experience a deeper connection and overall life satisfaction, but that’s not all.

A healthy sex life isn’t just good for the best of times —it also helps couples get through the worst of times. I wasn’t kidding about that savagery of life business. It is a jungle out here!

On any given Sunday, you can be struck by the loss of a loved one, drowning in debt, or facing a bleak diagnosis. But the spark of sexual energy can serve as a beacon on the dark legs of the journey.

Remember, sex is more than a physical experience —it’s a mental and spiritual experience too.

Your body is a well-oiled machine designed to release those feel-good-everything-is-coming-up-roses hormones during sexual relations. That hit of dopamine and oxytocin that you get during sex makes you feel ahhhmazing —inside and out.

And when feeling good is your default (because you’re fucking all the time), the yucks don’t stand a chance!

The bounce back (resilience) is real when your sex life is good.

Unfortunately, the yucks are a normal part of this life thing. And let’s face it, sometimes your relationship is the thing that gets you down. It happens, and that’s okay.

But when you’ve built a solid foundation of interconnectedness, communication, and routine sexy time, the bounce back is real. In other words, you get good at making up —if you know what I mean. 😉

It’s easier to get back on track when there is a sexual connection.

Tension and disconnection can ruin a relationship quick, fast, and in a hurry. But sex can help you set the reset button after a relationship snafu.

Couples with healthy sex lives don’t hold grudges because that would be counterproductive.

These are the lovers who argue less and compromise more. They speak the language of love and hard conversation. They can put differences aside because, for them, sex is about more than getting off — it’s also about moving through EVERYTHING — together.

Should you hit a bump in the road in your relationship, try not to sideline the sex. Maintaining your sexual intimacy during the tough times could turn the tide. Because anything worth having is worth the effort it takes to sustain it.

Originally published at https://medium.com