5 Ways I Lovingly Tolerate My Husband

Sometimes I can get pretty annoyed with his antics... I can get so frustrated at the smallest things that I want to scalp him, because no matter how many times I say “The laundry basket is literally right there!! Why are you putting your underwear on the floor next to it!?” or “For the love of God dude, why are your shoes in the middle of the bathroom floor!?” he continues to leave it wherever he pleases. And some days I don’t mind picking up after my man child. But other days, when I’ve had a hard day at work, or I’m exhausted, or I just happened to wake up on the wrong side of the bed that morning, it irks me to the core when I sit on the toilet and look over to see a single dingy sock casually resting on the side of the tub... and my world goes dark and I turn into the goddess of war... but I have to remember: I chose this human, and I chose to put up with this human..

So I tell myself...

1) It’s not the end of the world to pick up the:

Sock, undies, shoes, or whatever else he left lying around. Because my “honey bunch of oats” works hard for me. We both work, but he happens to work a laboring job in the hot sun all day and when he comes home... he’s tired. And when I compare the amount of work he’s done in the day just to pay for my makeup addiction, the sock isn’t so bad to pick up anymore.

2) Someone may have lost a husband today:

And that someone will eventually miss seeing that hideous cap off of the toothpaste on the counter. You know that image, with the toothpaste oozing out of the tube? Though it’s enraging the fiery pits of hell within you to see that, imagine how it would feel when your husband's gone, and your counter is free of toothpaste... only reminding you that his annoying self is no longer there. So try to enjoy that moment while it’s still there.

3) His hobbies may not be yours, but:

If you're like me, you spend a lot of time with ya “cuddle monkey.” And that includes time you might want to spend doing other things. For instance, he likes to fish. I HATE fishing. Catching the fish is fun, but the absolute boredom the entire time waiting for the fish to bite is unruly. I... can’t... stand... it! But where am I on Sunday afternoon? I’m on the dock next to him, in the hot sun, bored to death, with a fishing pole in my hand. Why, you might ask, when you could be home eating potatoe chips and watching Ellen in the Air Conditioning? Because my husband loves it, and he also loves me. And when I wanted him to take me to the beach, he came even though he hates sand. I got to spend a day at the beach with my “Schnuckums” and it’s a memory I’ll cherish forever. So why wouldn’t he want to make a memory of two things he loves too!! So go do that thing with him when he asks!

4) The In-laws: Don’t even get me started.

If you have an amazing relationship with your in-laws, congrats because you’ve hit the jackpot! I can’t even deal with my in-laws. We cannot stand each other! And every moment with them turns into me daydreaming about attacking his mother like a cheetah in “animal world” (Mean Girls reference). The drama in “girl world” is so not FETCH! But that’s my husband's family. And as badly as I want to say “I'll just stay home for Christmas and I’ll be here when you get back!” I bite my tongue and put on a happy face. And when we get to their house and his mother casually asks me if I’ve gained weight, I bite my tongue a little more. And when his sister gives me the evil eye because she swears I’m just with him for his money (which he doesn’t have!), I bite my tongue even more. And before you know it, I look at my “handsome giggle goose” and he’s so happy, enjoying the festivities, and his family and me all together. It warms my heart, and all is merry and bright, unlike my mother-in-law's soul. So as much as you want to poison the Christmas ham you're cooking for THOSE DREADFUL FAMILY MEMBERS, just lightly season it with a smile and bring it over... for your “shmootsy bear” to enjoy with his loved ones.

5) We fight about chores.

I can blow very little things out of proportion and I’m very good at holding a grudge for days. But while I’m polishing my pride, his life is crap... because I’m making it crap. Because I can make his life a living hell if I want to. And he’ll never see it coming! Imagine having someone be happy one moment and the next screaming in your face for not taking the trash out when you simply forgot because you have a lot on your mind. We never know what the other is thinking. And maybe that’s the problem. I am very organized and I remember everything I need to do for the day, while he is very scatter brained and his mind is everywhere but on Earth. So usually we get together one day a week and write a list of all the things that need to be done, and then split those between us. And I have to remind him of the things on his list twice a day, and make a copy of the list because he lost his. But as annoying as it is to remind him to clean the coffee pot on Saturdays, it’s also better for both of us because he can’t forget, and the stuff gets done. But I have to remember that him buying the wrong dog food at the store is not worth fighting over for two days. There is a way to disagree lovingly. Patience is key. When you want to yell, remember to breathe and talk it out. Even if you have to leave the room for an hour to cool off before you wring his neck, that’s okay.

It’s really all about perspective. Don’t look at your “lil cheeky cheese puff” like everything he does is annoying. Everyone is different and that’s what makes us so perfect for each other. If my husband didn’t have me he would have no underwear. He would be free balling everywhere, because he forgets to buy a pack when he runs low. And if I didn’t have my husband, I would have to pay someone to cut my grass with my “makeup” money. You even each other out. Everyone has flaws, but that’s why we are better together. So when you're annoyed at him, remember this: “you chose this Human, you chose to put up with this human. And he is your human. So take care of him and let him take care of you."