5 things you will relate to as an adult if you were labelled 'gifted' as a kid

I just turned 30 and am still not entirely sure what we mean when we say children are 'gifted'. All I know is that it was a term used in conjunction with my name fairly often as a child.

What I can offer is my interpretation of the term, and the lasting effects being labelled as 'gifted' has had on me as an adult. It might come as a surprise to find none of it is positive.

I know what you're thinking. Poor girl, being told her whole life how wonderful and special she was, cry me a river.

But please, hear me out.

The first time I heard the term 'gifted' was before I had a random appointment with the school counsellor when I was in year 2. I remember being asked a lot of seemingly innocent questions, but having a distinct gut feeling that I was being tested. The ultimate outcome of this appointment was that I had been assessed and offered a position in the "gifted & talented" class when I entered primary school in years 3 & 4, and then eventually the "opportunity class" for years 5 & 6.

I had always shown a tendency toward being an over-achiever. I refused to do anything I wasn't a master at. My mum still tells me about the time we we were introduced to skipping ropes in kindergarten and I came home from school everyday for weeks and skipped until my legs gave out so that when I was forced to skip in front of my peers, I was the best. Looking back, it was definitely early indicators of anxiety for me. An irrational fear that accompanied the thought of not being perceived as "good enough". Early, almost primitive approval-seeking. I mean, I was 5...

I guess that's what being 'gifted' came to mean to me. I had to be good at EVERYTHING. I carried this label and was now accountable to the supreme overlord of gifted children. Or I may as well have been with the amount of pressure I put on myself.

So here are 5 things that developed from being labeled 'gifted' that still impact me now I'm well into adulthood -

1. Huge sense of over-responsibility

I'm a stickler for the rules. Don't get me wrong, I won't mindlessly follow the rules just because they are there. If they are illogical or immoral in some way I will challenge them, but you bet I'll have done my research and have a solid argument behind my reasoning if I do.

This means that I have a HUGE issue with people who don't follow the rules with no valid reason as to why, other than it's inconvenient. Obviously the rules are in place for a reason, and yes, it's usually more difficult to follow the rules. Don't even get me started on the state the world would be in if everyone had this mindset. So I feel an overwhelming amount of pressure to do the right thing and carry the extra load to make up for the people that can't be bothered.

I can't feign ignorance - 'gifted', remember? So in my mind I know better, therefore I should do better.

2. Inability to stick to anything I'm not immediately good at

This is my least favourite personality trait. You see, you get a lot of praise growing up 'gifted'. And at least for me, a lot of things do come relatively naturally. I rarely find myself putting in maximum effort and still manage to do well.

Can you hear the tiny violin yet?

The problem with this is, you don't learn to fail well. You don't learn to take criticism in your stride and learn from mistakes.

Instead you fear failure like it carries the death penalty. You view criticism as a personal attack on your character. And instead of learning and having another try, you lock that thing away to never be attempted again because you were BAD at it.

So, if I start something and there is even a whiff of failure in the air, I abort mission.

3. Obsessive tendencies

Exhibit A) Vocal.

I started writing here a month ago. I have written 15 articles, and landed two top stories. Give. me. all. the. validation. I can't get enough. Still not sure if I actually like writing, or I enjoy the praise I have received from it? More on that in my next point.

I also do things like read for 14 hours straight for days on end if I find a book series I love.

Or bake every day for a week because I baked one decent batch of muffins.

I get really into things for a limited time only and then move on. I have a half finished law degree, and an almost completed MBA.

I've worked at the same place for the last 9 years and had 7 different job titles.

4. Confused about what my passions or hobbies actually are

If there is one scenario where I wish the floor would open up and swallow me whole, it's this one -

"Ok, let's go around the room and introduce ourselves and share on thing we do for a hobby with everyone!"

Panic slowly, you have hobbies and interests, right?

Only I don't. Sure there's that guitar I haven't played in months. Those highland dancing shoes collecting dust in a cupboard somewhere. That hockey stick that hasn't hit a ball in 4 seasons.

All things I was pretty decent at, at one time or another.

It's the whole fear of failure complex. I didn't really try, so therefore I didn't really fail.

Most things I've taken up because someone told me I would be good at them, and then I was, and then the novelty wore off and the praise started to dwindle and low and behold, I don't do that thing anymore...

I'm not sure which of it I actually enjoyed. Maybe all of it, maybe none of it. The mysteries of the universe continue.

My latest penchant is writing. I'm getting a lot of enjoyment out of it so fingers crossed it sticks. Still not sure if I enjoy the writing part or the people telling me they like my writing part, though.

5. Constantly seeking approval

If a tree falls in the forest...

If I did something, and no one gave me a pat on the back and said "Good Job", why did I do it?

Seriously, cringe. I hate this part. I feel like a dog waiting on a treat. Please reward me for a job well-done! I need the praise. How else will I know I'm still 'gifted' and worthy?

Every career path i've pursued has been because I have had an inner monologue telling me that it's something someone with my potential would or should do. Not something I was even interested in or wanted to do. But if I found success in the right places, the praise would come, the tick of approval would be gained and the anxiety would be kept at bay.

Still on a relentless quest to figure out what I would do if I had limitless options and a zero care-factor when it came to what others thought of my choices.

Truth be told, I've always felt overwhelmingly ordinary. A complete fake, trying to live up to the label. Someone who carries potential that is never quite reached. An actor always feeling like i'm delivering an underwhelming performance.

Thank goodness we aren't labelling kids 'gifted' as often anymore. I'd love to see us celebrate ordinary. Let the 'gifted' ones go reach their potential in blissful ignorance. Who knows what they might do?